Foreigner At Home

Well, now, I've put this one off for too long now.

Truth is, I don't fancy writing about being home. Why? Because it'll only serve to remind me how lonely I can get once I'm back in the real world. Not lonely in the social sense, but bereft of the comforts and love I receive and have established here. From being with my family and friends, where most of the faces and skin tones are similar to mine.

Then again, home is but the place one's heart resides...and even here I feel a subtle yearning for the solitude and peace of the great green yonder on the Australasian plate border. Not to say I am not enjoying my time here; it's just that it's no longer the home I remember it to be. And as much as I'd like to deny it, things have changed. Quite a lot, I may add.

For one thing, I seem to be a bit more distant to members of the extended family I used to be quite close with. Lack of words on both sides when face-to-face, the complacent "I'm sure he/she's doing quite well" thought flitting through our minds. Of course, I'm only here for three weeks (this one's my last, oh dear), so I wouldn't expect anything other than what I've gotten (that's the complacency on my behalf).

On the other hand, my connections to my immediate family has become a lot tighter for the most part. Specifically, my brother and cousin.

It amazed me a few months back when I saw my brother when the family visited. Now that I'm here and finding out more about him, he surprises me even more. I guess the distance did help; if before we were sick of living with each other for all these past years, now we're more like old acquaintances re-learning each other. He's started seriously thinking about relationships with women, is far more skillful with the guitar than I remembered him to be (venturing forth into songwriting, as a matter of fact), and also a bit wiser to boot. We still crack jokes at each other and appreciate all those dirty jokes, which is good. But the fact that I can now talk to him for a bit longer than three minutes is even better. Ah, and he managed to turn vegetarian. Always was a stubborn one, my brother.

My cousin, 'R', changed similarly to my brother. Well, not so much, come to think of it. I've always had an easier time talking to him rather than to my brother, but now our topics are those I wouldn't have conversed about just a year ago. Last year the main topic was his affair with basketball and highschool intrigues. Now it's still about basketball and highschool drama, but with the addition of tertiary education, work, and politics. And occasionally rubbing in the fact that I'm still single after all this time (thanks for the support, R). He's no longer a kid, he's a teen now.

The city, however, has changed quite a bit. Some places are still pretty much the same, but others are...well, changing for the worse.

With development increasing, any empty lots that could've been potentially used for even the most minute rain catchment has been/are being wiped out. The first day I was here it rained quite hard for a few hours. Trapped in my car during a traffic jam, I found myself transfixed by the sheer amount of soil just flowing out in the gutters. Amazing. The next thing I noticed was how quickly the water level was rising. Within the first fifteen minutes to half hour, it was already ankle-high (wish I had a photo to show for it). And some people say it's because of global warming? Try shoddy city planning. Or shoddy national policies, for that matter.

And that's the interesting part. Everything is interrelated, more or less. People, development, poverty, 'natural' disasters, policies, and so forth. For instance, the slow development in other provinces (especially those beyond Java) has led to people moving into the cities, especially the capital for work. Because there are more people than there is living space and work, you get a surplus of labour which ends up becoming a burden on the rest of the city. How? By occupying space that could otherwise be used productively, and generating more waste (even if it's not in plastic, people still generate bodily wastes daily). This results in slums (or at least kampungs) and waste that cannot be readily disposed of in an environmentally safe way (i.e. as in developed countries - I doubt our landfills and incinerators are adequate enough as is). The slums stop water from infiltrating into the ground, the wastes clog up the waterways, gutters, and sewers. End product - flooding.

But mind you, that's only an extremely simplified example (textbook, almost). Other factors, such as the permeability of the ground, the increasing amount of development and roads, and *sigh* climate change are also part of the equation. And not just for floods, I might add.

Next up, the Busway. In an ideal world, the Busway is a wonderful idea. It's an effective and (somewhat) punctual way of getting throughout the city on public transport. And it would be so, if society followed the rules associated with it. Hailing buses and *shudder* minibuses from the side of the fucking road when the bus/minibus in question is on the farthermost lane still seems to be far more effective than having to wait at a designated stop. At least the average person around here. There's the increasing number of people driving and riding motorcycles (helmets and common sense optional), as payments have become surprising cheaper. Add to this the fact that the Busway takes up one lane of the normal road to become a pseudo-Autobahn. If anyone said that you'd spend most of your time in a car when you live here, they may change it to 'you'll spend the rest of your life in a car if you live here'. Oh, alright, it's not that spectacularly FUBAR-ed, but it's still bad. And getting worse.

I'd also put in a little rant about the new governor, who's apparently got his dirty, stubby fingers in a lot of profitable little pies, but I simply don't have the strength or will to. The other candidate was also reputedly crooked. Lesser evil? All the same. Just like Dubya winning the elections twice, you've got to question the ability of the voters to judge who should be a leader. And at the moment, I doubt the majority of the voters are looking at anything other than their next paycheck, so it shouldn't be too surprising that they'd vote for someone who can *ahem* donate to them. Oh well. This should be interesting to see from a safe, comfy spot on the other side of the world.

Aaaand...that's a wrap. Sorry to disappoint anyone looking for anything substantial or wholly enlightening here. It's a blog. Whaddaya expect?

[End Transmission]

To Follow Up On Last Week's Post

Well, the strike didn't go so well.

No ippon for me now.

Such is life. But on the bright side, it's a first attempt, and (should I not face an early and untimely end) it will not be the last. No, siree. Not until I get my ippon.

Also, missed two sessions due to sprained muscles. Which sucks, because the last session was the last for three of our members. Gah.

[End Transmission]

What Kendo Taught Me

Strike first, strike fast, strike without hesitation.

Otherwise, you'll get struck first, and you'll never hear the end of it.

Of course, strike without preparation, you'll still get struck first.

And don't even think you can beat a ni-dan senpai with go-kyu skills. Well, you can, but you'll still get the inevitable hiding sooner or later.


Funny, the things I'm learning in kendo echo pretty much everything my parents (and religion, interestingly) taught me...which I still can't get right.

Perhaps it means that if I improve my own personality outside of kendo, my kendo will improve. And vice versa.

Or maybe I just need a lot more practice.


Yeah, that's probably it.

Boy, am I loving it.


[end transmission]

Music

I recently borrowed a friend's unused iPod earphones (no, this isn't going to be a rant about how my iPod failed me, that'll be for next time). Not having used my Pod as it was supposed to be used for about six months now, as a portable audio playback device, I immediately jumped on the chance to walk out in a perfectly sunny and pleasant afternoon around the campus lakes. I put the thing on shuffle and headed out the door.

The first song to come up was Jacksonville, by Sufjan Stevens.

It was a somewhat surreal moment. One of those snippets in life where everything suddenly falls into place and you feel that all is good in the world, if only for that short stretch of time. The pre-sunset sunlight, the smell of the grass and the trees, the gentle breeze that played around the tips of my ears mixed into the flow and the feel of the song. The words may have been a little irrelevant (and a bit disconcerting at parts), but the voice they were sung in helped them join harmoniously with everything else. I ended up sitting under one of the bigger trees next to the large sports field and looking up at the sky.

Moments like these really etch themselves into personal history.

Though I've had his music for quite some time now (about 4-5 years now), it's only now that I picked up on it. He's still not one of my favorites, but being here has given new perspectives with which I can 'view' his music.

Still, I probably would have said the same about Tingstadt and Rumbel if they happened to pop up first. Haha.

[end transmission]

Realizations

I recently underwent the realization that I'm not 'home'.

Yeah, it took that long.

I woke up yesterday morning (or afternoon, if you'd like to be precise), dreading the 2 pm exam. The sun's shining outside, some light filtering through the gaps between my curtains. A little bit bleary eyed, I grope around for my handphone to switch off the only tune I can wake up to. Then I sit up, look around my Romanesque (i.e. Romanesque post-Vandals, Huns, and what-have-you-nots) room, take a sip from my water bottle and softly clear my throat. It had to be that morning that I realised it's almost exactly the same thing I've been doing for every morning in the last 8 months. The novelty of living in a new place seems to have worn off some time ago; I'm by no means jaded, but it's become so much a part of me now that I don't see it. Now that I've decided to return to 'home', where the family is, things do seem a little different. The skies, the smell of fresh grass, the fact that the majority of people I see here at any given time are Caucasian...things I've started to simply accept as part of it all.

To be honest, I miss very few things about 'home', excluding family and friends. I miss the food, the sounds of a bustling city, things not closing up at 5 in the afternoon, and being somewhere where the people are physically similar to myself. Well, maybe not the last part. Oh, and being somewhere that has less drunken teenage yobbos/blokes/idiots/etc. on the weekends. Other than that, I'd say it's better to be here. I don't miss the polluted _____ (insert object of choice), the highly visible poverty, the stupidity (especially of public transport drivers), and the sheer mass of humanity that lives within the city's boundaries. Yes, you'd be correct to say I'm sitting on my high horse for this one. But it's truth (or semi-truth). If I'm a rational person given the choice to live and work back 'home' or some exotic country (which may or may not be similar to 'home'), I'd go for the exotic country. Why? Just because there's that hesitance to return home.

But it's not that I don't ever want to go back home. Much as I dislike the notion, I do feel a sort of 'homesickness' for the familiar climes. And there's that whole looming-over-the-horizon thing about repaying the country for the opportunity I received (well, more like the opportunity my parents received, and me through that proxy). As much as I'd like to, I don't really have good reason to turn my back on the country which I grew up in and claim citizenship elsewhere. And since the ethnicities of which I am part of are within that country (not that it matters, I just want to ramble), I guess I can't really escape what I really am.

Meh.

That was a rather long and meaningless rant. Screw the ending, I'm going to bed.

[End Transmission]

Sakura

I said I'd put up something about cherry blossoms, so here's to fulfilling that promise. Well, kind of. Most of the blossoms are gone, and spring is going into full gear now. That aside, here's what I said I'd put up.






And to wrap it up, the official ending song to Byousoku 5 Centimeter.



Enjoy.

[end transmission]

Ni-Ju

Ah.

I have drifted through four more seasons, a new mark on my lengthly stay in this plane of existence.

I must say, it doesn't feel any more different than last year. I'm pretty much still the same person, still making stupid mistakes, still doing things wrong. But I do think I managed to do a few things right in the span of all this time, little bits and pieces of time and space that I knew were worth the effort I put into it.

I guess my previous age set me up quite nicely for this one. I've made so many more choices, mistakes, and personal triumphs than I ever had. It also marks the first time I'll be "celebrating" beyond the reach of my family. Almost. Not that it's a bad thing, but it's something I may have to get used to as I grow older and older as the earth completes more cycles around the sun.

Anyway, it's strange that I feel strangely calm about it; last year was a rather...angsty birthday. Struck with the realization that I was stuck in neutral gear and aging to boot, I kept lamenting the fact that my youth is nearing its end. But now...well, now my world seems to present so many more possibilities and opportunities. I can scarcely wait for my next year to end to gauge the extent of improvement in my kendo. Perhaps I'll be competing then, though probably getting pwned by everyone else for a start. It's also another year of university (hopefully), more challenges and fun, new people to meet and work with.

Yea.

It's all good. And I don't even need to celebrate it; it's a celebration in its own way.

Of course, all due thanks to God and parents, who have kept me alive, (somewhat) well, and prepared to face life on my own.

p.s. for those wondering why I haven't posted anything up lately, even with the promised videoclip from the last post, it's because things have been quite all over the place, what with Eid (whoops, should've posted that up too) and exams. Gomen.

[end transmission]