Myself, of course.
For the last two months there are basically only two places where I've been spending my life. One is the library, the only place I can get my hands on the Economics coursebook (which for some reason I decided to not buy throughout the semester). However, the library has to close at 10 pm. And on weekends, it's only open between 11 am and 5 pm. That's it. The second place, in which I've spent probably 99.9% of my time is...
My room.
More specifically, at the desk next to heater, in front of my beloved laptop.
Now, the room is a mess. Can't be bothered to check whether I've said this before, but for the majority of this semester I went into this bad funk. Part of the funk is being indifferent to the condition of my living quarters. Add to this the exam period, so the books and papers are all over the floor and the desk. There's also this rather strange smell emanating from the room which I can't quite put a finger on. Mold? Fungal growth? The mixture of smells from my flatmates' cooking (given that I'm got the room at the farthest end of a corridor, where these scents seem to circulate and seep into my room)? Laundry? The only I can find out is if I actually clean my bloody room. I can't even remember the last time I changed my sheets. Good gravy. Actually, that's probably because it's winter and I love my flannel sheets to bits in situations such as these, but still. I probably should've invested in a second pair of flannel sheets. Some air freshener would probably be good as well. That's probably the only option short of fumigating the place. But cleaning should be the priority. My carpet feels grittier than ever (soon to match the texture of the ground cover on the other side of the windowsill), which is not a good thing when I'm trying to fold my kendogi. Not acceptable (but acceptable enough for the time being).
My habit of lurking more in the internets to the wee hours of the morning and almost never popping out of the room have gained me the status of cavemen among my flatmates, who are never quite sure whether I'm in the house or not. This does lead to many fun times, especially because I have this uncanny ability to sneak up on all of them in the kitchen quite easily.
The height of isolation occured with the dying of my handphone. The poor thing crashed and died. Or more like went into this undead mode where it turns on and off at its own bidding. Some kind of freak sentience, I suppose. It was then that I realised just how alone I could be around here (minus the company from MSN, though). My folks didn't have any other way to find out about my situation, as I'm pretty shoddy with email correspondence. End of the story is that I got it fixed...and it came back with the entire harddrive content wiped. Gone. All the numbers, photos, messages...just blank. I picked it up today and had a hard time keeping myself from laughing with the irony of it all. The reason I wanted to fix it was to backup the data in order to transfer it to a new handphone. So much for that.
Well, it's late. More...soon.
[End Transmission]
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Get Me Away From Here...
They never know unless I write
"This is no declaration, I just thought I'd let you know goodbye"
Said the hero in the story
"It is mightier than swords
I could kill you, sure
But I could only make you cry with these words"
~ Get Me Away From Here, I'm Dying - Belle and Sebastian
Since when do I listen to B&S? Hmm.
By Jove, I'm surrounded by flying crickets. Coincidentally, my room has also turned into bug haven. Mental note: throw away month-old bananas...when they're a month old. Also, remember to actually clean my bed once in a while. I plopped down on it three days ago and caused a bunch of insects to fly out from under my covers.
No, I'm just kidding about that last reminder.
On a happier note, my first official kendo competition is next week. Right after an essay due date and two days before an assignment due date. Lovely. Not to mention my second official kendo competition, which is exactly 7 days after. Oh, yes. Bring it on.
[End Transmission]
"This is no declaration, I just thought I'd let you know goodbye"
Said the hero in the story
"It is mightier than swords
I could kill you, sure
But I could only make you cry with these words"
~ Get Me Away From Here, I'm Dying - Belle and Sebastian
Since when do I listen to B&S? Hmm.
By Jove, I'm surrounded by flying crickets. Coincidentally, my room has also turned into bug haven. Mental note: throw away month-old bananas...when they're a month old. Also, remember to actually clean my bed once in a while. I plopped down on it three days ago and caused a bunch of insects to fly out from under my covers.
No, I'm just kidding about that last reminder.
On a happier note, my first official kendo competition is next week. Right after an essay due date and two days before an assignment due date. Lovely. Not to mention my second official kendo competition, which is exactly 7 days after. Oh, yes. Bring it on.
[End Transmission]
Monday, January 28, 2008
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Storytelling
My father recently sent me an email reminding me of the old story-telling habits I had back when I was younger. Up until four years ago, I think. And most of the time, my audience would only be my brother. Mostly because I was a loner until late in primary school, and also because our cousins didn't come around enough or have similar contexts we had to join.
Actually, to call it storytelling wouldn't be fully correct. It was more like roleplaying.
Back when he and I were both a lot younger, it was a lot simpler - I'd give a basic premise, say, a day at Taronga zoo, and we'd start acting and create a story together. One of us (usually me, I think) would be the narrator, the other would be a supporting actor. For instance, with the zoo, I could be a visitor or a tourguide, and my brother would play out the animal (although probably not quite as accurate as desired). I can't remember whether we ever ended these little episodes, but I'm pretty sure every now and again we'd piss each other off by not cooperating and end up doing something completely different. Like act out a different scenario and get pissed off again. Haha. Occasionally one or more of our aunts (both sides of the family had multiple daughters) would indulge me and join along. We were close back then. Still am, actually. They would be both audience and actors, playing along but also watching and laughing with us. I can still remember that, even if a little hazy.
As we grew up, my new knowledge was almost directly represented by the additions I made into the stories. Instead of simply 'being', I formed goals. Exposure to RPGs and videogames helped me form a flexible, albeit oft frustrating, guide by which we'd start our adventures and progress. For inspiration I drew upon the books that I read. Mythologies, fantasy, and medieval history I can remember quite well. The villains were admittedly poor copies of DnD monsters mixed with an unhealthy dose of mythological figures. Quests would be mostly the "go here - kill that - go back and level up" variety. By this stage, I was in early primary school, and we met our cousins (codenamed V and R to protect their posteriors) a lot more often. So we occasionally had more players to go by. The aunts were getting busier, and I usually didn't want them around for these roleplays, anyway. So our adventures turned from solo-questing to group roleplaying.
Hold the phone, was I born a LARPer? Oh, sorry.
Anyway, just to illustrate on what I mean by that, here's one scenario I can remember quite well. Which is more than can be said about the more important things I could've been remembering.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This one is very...er...Van Helsing-y. Get quest, fight monster, go home, get cash. Rinse and repeat.
The usual format was that I'd be the narrator, dungeon master, every single NPC, and every single monster throughout the entire game. My brother and cousins (or cousin, depending on who was there at the time) would be the heroes. For some reason, they always ended up overpowered with everything going their way. Blame it on my shoddy DM skills. The scenario normally begins, as any generic RPG does, in a village.
The 'Village' is the one-stop place, filled with taverns, doctors, and as many NPCs as the players wanted to interact with. Which was usually just the barkeep (quest-giver), blacksmith (of course), pharmacist/item storekeeper (for those potions), and occasionally the clients who gave 'hints' - not too subtly, of course, considering the players were still in kindergarten - and a little bit of backstory as to why they'd want some yahoos to go out and kill a rare specimen. No morals necessary - it's all black and white (later on to be revamped after gaining the nuances of treachery and gray areas).
The thing that separated my protagonists from other, more conventional plays was the fact that they fought hand-to-hand. They were just that butch, going into battle with some horrendous foe armed with nothing but a magical Dragon Gauntlet (they aren't that stupid to go without some kind of mystical artifact) or something similar and an assortment of potions which would in reality kill them sooner than their wounds. Well, partly. The main reason was that we didn't have any adequate substitutes for toy swords/shields/spears, so we made do with pummeling and kicking each other. In retrospect, probably not a good way to spend my childhood. But I digress.
Once supplies and orders were sorted out, it would be time to move into the 'action' section. Those of you familiar with MMORPGs should know the drill. Go to some spot on the map, kill a few random under-beastlings, fight the big kahuna, win, divide the spoils. So it was that I had to narrate the entire journey to my budding heroes, keeping them awake by throwing in some surprise ambushes by the side of a cliff of something. Then it was the boss.
Ah yes. The boss. The climactic battle. I'd shed the role of narrator and fully (probably unsuccessfully) turn into the behemoth I thought up of. Nothing terribly twisted or original, just reworked versions of long-recycled villains in stories past. A minotaur, a giant bug, a golem of some sort...standard boss fare. And nothing too difficult either - being a boss is pretty tiring stuff. Not only did I have to flail around or walk on all fours, I also had to make sure the kids could beat me with some measure of difficulty. Usually after knocking them about, I'd break the 4th wall and tell them where the secret spot was. Then, with all their power, they'd coordinate an attack (surprisingly) and wail on me with their magic/fists/magical fists.
End of mission, go back home. The client or barkeep would be waiting (looking quite tired indeed) with a sizable lump of gold, the sum of which was negotiated beforehand and divided among the two. Then they'd go off into town, looking for food or going up to find a new technique I'd thought up of barely five minutes ago (Flaming Dragon Hook, anyone?).
Rinse and repeat, until a) the narrator runs out of ideas or breath, b) the protagonists get far too powerful and end up bored, c) someone has to go home, or d) we happily conclude the game, save it, and wait for the next time around to continue.
The part I liked best of this whole ordeal was keeping the records and making up new stories. We actually kept track on what we did, how much gold was negotiated, the prices (not yet reflecting knowledge of real-world trade) for goods and services, how much HP was left over after that particularly long fight, what techniques had been learned and how to use them...the list just goes on and on.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hmm, probably a tad revealing of my true leanings back in those innocent days.
Ladies and gentlemen, I have indeed realised that I have been, and perhaps always will be, a roleplayer. Not a very good one, perhaps, but a roleplayer nonetheless.
Just a second though, wasn't this supposed to be about storytelling?
Why, indeed it was. But then one can argue that roleplaying is but an extension of storytelling, where the audience is directly pulled into the events transpiring rather than as para-omniscient observers forming images from printed letters. Whether or not I was consciously aware of it, I was still fundementally telling a story to my younger kin. The goal was the same, to entertain.
In some ways, I still do that even now. Well, not the roleplaying, unless you count kendo as roleplaying. No, ever-changing perspectives on the world and its workings have hindered my ability to create worlds without boundaries. Of course, back then I also worked with boundaries - limits set by conventions in the books I read, fences that often my younger players could walk through while I denied my innate ability to do so as well. Now, it just becomes too complicated. Scenarios become convoluted, grim, pseudo-noir affairs where nothing is what it seems, no-one is who they appear to be, and morals are always in question. It just gets so tedious sometimes. This new approach has, however, helped me in writing with my erstwhile collaborator Pepen, as both of us apparently share similar views.
There was also a time where I dabbled in an RP forum, using that complicated, intricately detailed, and grim realism I came to appreciate. This, on the other hand, allowed me to create completely different characters to the others playing. It might help form the image to know that this was an anime forum (yes, I also enjoy anime, what of it?), so most of my fellow RPers had characters who were...well...more or less predictable. Avatars of masculine or feminine (or multispecies) perfection, nice hair, either eternally youthful or incredibly old (yet still looking like a sprightly young thing), and well-sculpted faces (occasionally with tasteful scarring to give that 'brooding hero' look). Oh, and don't forget overpowered, with a tendency to destroy any opposition within three posts. Not all, but some.
Then there's me, and my host of characters. Pretentious, some might say, trying too hard. My characters were to the threads I frequented either a completely average everyman (no good anime looks, almost painfully bland, stuck in his own little mortal drama)...or a homage to Frank Miller's antiheroes that would probably prompt him to send a letter asking me to please stop using his gritty characterisation. Of these, I was most fond of a character that I named Sal.
Sal's role was the loner. [Don't snicker just yet, there's worse to come.] He's an independent operative that works outside of any legal governmental body in a world divided between utopian rule (non-human) and a dystopian empire (human). [Not yet...] He's human, but has Spec Ops training and physiobiological implants that makes him harder to kill than any other person. He's also the only human in the hero roster, everyone else being powerful non-humans (dragons, animated dolls, and werewolves just to name a few). Not having supernatural powers, he relies on contraband/stolen weaponry, survival skills, mixed martial arts, and a grimly pessimistic demeanor which speaks through action. In a word, he's a pseudo-Batman, minus the cape and cowl. [Now you can laugh] Replace the costume with a tired brown trenchcoat with dusty jeans and utility belt with a large duffelbag, and you've got a substandard stand-in for the Dark Knight. Or Hartigan. In that sense, he also brings a kind of balance to the players. He's the only one who's grounded to any conventional rules governing humans, he's not completely made of stone or a tragic hero, he's just there. Eccentric enough to be realistic, concerned with things that would not register with non-human characters.
Then strange thing happened; I began to write a backstory, which suddenly grew and formed into the universe the RP is set in.
It's not brilliant, I can give you that. It takes so much out of post-apo and alternate reality literature that I scoff when I read it myself. Again, lots of influences from history and mythology. Sal became the connection between that world and the other players - he provided the story for the other side. Thus I set about ambitiously forming that world, making the intricate details I love so much in stories; politics and backstabbing, ancient cultural references, alternate history...all these things which the others could interpret into their own contexts and flesh out their characters. Sure, you can have a werewolf not like a vampire just because, but what if there's a long history of hatred and backstabbing, even if they're supposed to be allies in a utopian government? Little things that help people imagine things better (if under my hand, come to think of it).
Unfortunately, I never got around to rejoining the RP after going on hiatus two years back. I still regret it, though new activities have led me to spend my time in other places. The last time I checked it was still going, now having moved on to a separate thread after maxing out the reply quota. They're still using Sal's backstory, though all other things have grown to become something completely different to what I planned to make it. Nobody else, including the ones who joined after the first three arcs that I helped co-plan, has made a human character as of yet, and Sal's name is still on the roster though inactive. Forgive this writer for feeling a hint of pride towards the recognition and thought that his is a character no-one else is willing to emulate.
It was after quitting the RP abruptly that I began to write up a story with Pepen, and that's still undergoing a lot. A lot of changes, messes, dead ends...a lot. Again, intricately detailed, forming a convoluted mess that neither of us can grasp as of yet. Whether or not it's a plan to be realized, that's only for the future to know.
So from all this, I gradually understood one thing; storytelling, like life, is a whole lot more interesting when more than one person tells it. I don't mean that solo writers don't make interesting stories, but everybody needs inspiration, almost always from other peoples' ideas and opinions. Without supporting cast members or even the mention of an indistinct character, a monologue, no matter how beautifully worded, will still sound empty to me.
Creating stories with others seems to be a part of me that survived childhood (idealism is sort of ill and groaning in the background these days). It not only relieves me of the burden of having too much to think about, but also it adds new insights and pathways with which I can further my stories. And since I'm no Tolkiens, Gaiman, Murakami or any of those people whose imaginations and determination are the envy of so many others, myself included, I am more than happy just to write and expand my knowledge with someone else. I doubt personal success in writing as an occupation, but it is something I take much pleasure in. That's all.
And the connection to life? Well, we're all playing out our own stories, personal dramas and adventures, where we're the main characters. Yet we are each also supporting characters to someone else, even to someone who we may never meet. And all of us connect in a gigantic web to create this one multi-thread story of humanity.
Ah, well. It's about damn time I finished off this post. It's taken approximately three hours which I could've used to sleep or write up something I was supposed to write, rather than this brainfart.
Konbanwa, and good luck.
[end transmission]
Actually, to call it storytelling wouldn't be fully correct. It was more like roleplaying.
Back when he and I were both a lot younger, it was a lot simpler - I'd give a basic premise, say, a day at Taronga zoo, and we'd start acting and create a story together. One of us (usually me, I think) would be the narrator, the other would be a supporting actor. For instance, with the zoo, I could be a visitor or a tourguide, and my brother would play out the animal (although probably not quite as accurate as desired). I can't remember whether we ever ended these little episodes, but I'm pretty sure every now and again we'd piss each other off by not cooperating and end up doing something completely different. Like act out a different scenario and get pissed off again. Haha. Occasionally one or more of our aunts (both sides of the family had multiple daughters) would indulge me and join along. We were close back then. Still am, actually. They would be both audience and actors, playing along but also watching and laughing with us. I can still remember that, even if a little hazy.
As we grew up, my new knowledge was almost directly represented by the additions I made into the stories. Instead of simply 'being', I formed goals. Exposure to RPGs and videogames helped me form a flexible, albeit oft frustrating, guide by which we'd start our adventures and progress. For inspiration I drew upon the books that I read. Mythologies, fantasy, and medieval history I can remember quite well. The villains were admittedly poor copies of DnD monsters mixed with an unhealthy dose of mythological figures. Quests would be mostly the "go here - kill that - go back and level up" variety. By this stage, I was in early primary school, and we met our cousins (codenamed V and R to protect their posteriors) a lot more often. So we occasionally had more players to go by. The aunts were getting busier, and I usually didn't want them around for these roleplays, anyway. So our adventures turned from solo-questing to group roleplaying.
Hold the phone, was I born a LARPer? Oh, sorry.
Anyway, just to illustrate on what I mean by that, here's one scenario I can remember quite well. Which is more than can be said about the more important things I could've been remembering.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This one is very...er...Van Helsing-y. Get quest, fight monster, go home, get cash. Rinse and repeat.
The usual format was that I'd be the narrator, dungeon master, every single NPC, and every single monster throughout the entire game. My brother and cousins (or cousin, depending on who was there at the time) would be the heroes. For some reason, they always ended up overpowered with everything going their way. Blame it on my shoddy DM skills. The scenario normally begins, as any generic RPG does, in a village.
The 'Village' is the one-stop place, filled with taverns, doctors, and as many NPCs as the players wanted to interact with. Which was usually just the barkeep (quest-giver), blacksmith (of course), pharmacist/item storekeeper (for those potions), and occasionally the clients who gave 'hints' - not too subtly, of course, considering the players were still in kindergarten - and a little bit of backstory as to why they'd want some yahoos to go out and kill a rare specimen. No morals necessary - it's all black and white (later on to be revamped after gaining the nuances of treachery and gray areas).
The thing that separated my protagonists from other, more conventional plays was the fact that they fought hand-to-hand. They were just that butch, going into battle with some horrendous foe armed with nothing but a magical Dragon Gauntlet (they aren't that stupid to go without some kind of mystical artifact) or something similar and an assortment of potions which would in reality kill them sooner than their wounds. Well, partly. The main reason was that we didn't have any adequate substitutes for toy swords/shields/spears, so we made do with pummeling and kicking each other. In retrospect, probably not a good way to spend my childhood. But I digress.
Once supplies and orders were sorted out, it would be time to move into the 'action' section. Those of you familiar with MMORPGs should know the drill. Go to some spot on the map, kill a few random under-beastlings, fight the big kahuna, win, divide the spoils. So it was that I had to narrate the entire journey to my budding heroes, keeping them awake by throwing in some surprise ambushes by the side of a cliff of something. Then it was the boss.
Ah yes. The boss. The climactic battle. I'd shed the role of narrator and fully (probably unsuccessfully) turn into the behemoth I thought up of. Nothing terribly twisted or original, just reworked versions of long-recycled villains in stories past. A minotaur, a giant bug, a golem of some sort...standard boss fare. And nothing too difficult either - being a boss is pretty tiring stuff. Not only did I have to flail around or walk on all fours, I also had to make sure the kids could beat me with some measure of difficulty. Usually after knocking them about, I'd break the 4th wall and tell them where the secret spot was. Then, with all their power, they'd coordinate an attack (surprisingly) and wail on me with their magic/fists/magical fists.
End of mission, go back home. The client or barkeep would be waiting (looking quite tired indeed) with a sizable lump of gold, the sum of which was negotiated beforehand and divided among the two. Then they'd go off into town, looking for food or going up to find a new technique I'd thought up of barely five minutes ago (Flaming Dragon Hook, anyone?).
Rinse and repeat, until a) the narrator runs out of ideas or breath, b) the protagonists get far too powerful and end up bored, c) someone has to go home, or d) we happily conclude the game, save it, and wait for the next time around to continue.
The part I liked best of this whole ordeal was keeping the records and making up new stories. We actually kept track on what we did, how much gold was negotiated, the prices (not yet reflecting knowledge of real-world trade) for goods and services, how much HP was left over after that particularly long fight, what techniques had been learned and how to use them...the list just goes on and on.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hmm, probably a tad revealing of my true leanings back in those innocent days.
Ladies and gentlemen, I have indeed realised that I have been, and perhaps always will be, a roleplayer. Not a very good one, perhaps, but a roleplayer nonetheless.
Just a second though, wasn't this supposed to be about storytelling?
Why, indeed it was. But then one can argue that roleplaying is but an extension of storytelling, where the audience is directly pulled into the events transpiring rather than as para-omniscient observers forming images from printed letters. Whether or not I was consciously aware of it, I was still fundementally telling a story to my younger kin. The goal was the same, to entertain.
In some ways, I still do that even now. Well, not the roleplaying, unless you count kendo as roleplaying. No, ever-changing perspectives on the world and its workings have hindered my ability to create worlds without boundaries. Of course, back then I also worked with boundaries - limits set by conventions in the books I read, fences that often my younger players could walk through while I denied my innate ability to do so as well. Now, it just becomes too complicated. Scenarios become convoluted, grim, pseudo-noir affairs where nothing is what it seems, no-one is who they appear to be, and morals are always in question. It just gets so tedious sometimes. This new approach has, however, helped me in writing with my erstwhile collaborator Pepen, as both of us apparently share similar views.
There was also a time where I dabbled in an RP forum, using that complicated, intricately detailed, and grim realism I came to appreciate. This, on the other hand, allowed me to create completely different characters to the others playing. It might help form the image to know that this was an anime forum (yes, I also enjoy anime, what of it?), so most of my fellow RPers had characters who were...well...more or less predictable. Avatars of masculine or feminine (or multispecies) perfection, nice hair, either eternally youthful or incredibly old (yet still looking like a sprightly young thing), and well-sculpted faces (occasionally with tasteful scarring to give that 'brooding hero' look). Oh, and don't forget overpowered, with a tendency to destroy any opposition within three posts. Not all, but some.
Then there's me, and my host of characters. Pretentious, some might say, trying too hard. My characters were to the threads I frequented either a completely average everyman (no good anime looks, almost painfully bland, stuck in his own little mortal drama)...or a homage to Frank Miller's antiheroes that would probably prompt him to send a letter asking me to please stop using his gritty characterisation. Of these, I was most fond of a character that I named Sal.
Sal's role was the loner. [Don't snicker just yet, there's worse to come.] He's an independent operative that works outside of any legal governmental body in a world divided between utopian rule (non-human) and a dystopian empire (human). [Not yet...] He's human, but has Spec Ops training and physiobiological implants that makes him harder to kill than any other person. He's also the only human in the hero roster, everyone else being powerful non-humans (dragons, animated dolls, and werewolves just to name a few). Not having supernatural powers, he relies on contraband/stolen weaponry, survival skills, mixed martial arts, and a grimly pessimistic demeanor which speaks through action. In a word, he's a pseudo-Batman, minus the cape and cowl. [Now you can laugh] Replace the costume with a tired brown trenchcoat with dusty jeans and utility belt with a large duffelbag, and you've got a substandard stand-in for the Dark Knight. Or Hartigan. In that sense, he also brings a kind of balance to the players. He's the only one who's grounded to any conventional rules governing humans, he's not completely made of stone or a tragic hero, he's just there. Eccentric enough to be realistic, concerned with things that would not register with non-human characters.
Then strange thing happened; I began to write a backstory, which suddenly grew and formed into the universe the RP is set in.
It's not brilliant, I can give you that. It takes so much out of post-apo and alternate reality literature that I scoff when I read it myself. Again, lots of influences from history and mythology. Sal became the connection between that world and the other players - he provided the story for the other side. Thus I set about ambitiously forming that world, making the intricate details I love so much in stories; politics and backstabbing, ancient cultural references, alternate history...all these things which the others could interpret into their own contexts and flesh out their characters. Sure, you can have a werewolf not like a vampire just because, but what if there's a long history of hatred and backstabbing, even if they're supposed to be allies in a utopian government? Little things that help people imagine things better (if under my hand, come to think of it).
Unfortunately, I never got around to rejoining the RP after going on hiatus two years back. I still regret it, though new activities have led me to spend my time in other places. The last time I checked it was still going, now having moved on to a separate thread after maxing out the reply quota. They're still using Sal's backstory, though all other things have grown to become something completely different to what I planned to make it. Nobody else, including the ones who joined after the first three arcs that I helped co-plan, has made a human character as of yet, and Sal's name is still on the roster though inactive. Forgive this writer for feeling a hint of pride towards the recognition and thought that his is a character no-one else is willing to emulate.
It was after quitting the RP abruptly that I began to write up a story with Pepen, and that's still undergoing a lot. A lot of changes, messes, dead ends...a lot. Again, intricately detailed, forming a convoluted mess that neither of us can grasp as of yet. Whether or not it's a plan to be realized, that's only for the future to know.
So from all this, I gradually understood one thing; storytelling, like life, is a whole lot more interesting when more than one person tells it. I don't mean that solo writers don't make interesting stories, but everybody needs inspiration, almost always from other peoples' ideas and opinions. Without supporting cast members or even the mention of an indistinct character, a monologue, no matter how beautifully worded, will still sound empty to me.
Creating stories with others seems to be a part of me that survived childhood (idealism is sort of ill and groaning in the background these days). It not only relieves me of the burden of having too much to think about, but also it adds new insights and pathways with which I can further my stories. And since I'm no Tolkiens, Gaiman, Murakami or any of those people whose imaginations and determination are the envy of so many others, myself included, I am more than happy just to write and expand my knowledge with someone else. I doubt personal success in writing as an occupation, but it is something I take much pleasure in. That's all.
And the connection to life? Well, we're all playing out our own stories, personal dramas and adventures, where we're the main characters. Yet we are each also supporting characters to someone else, even to someone who we may never meet. And all of us connect in a gigantic web to create this one multi-thread story of humanity.
Ah, well. It's about damn time I finished off this post. It's taken approximately three hours which I could've used to sleep or write up something I was supposed to write, rather than this brainfart.
Konbanwa, and good luck.
[end transmission]
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Haiyah
I checked the due date for my first Philosophy essay. Guess what? It's due in 3 days. How I'm going to do a 1000 word essay in 3 days is still beyond me...but nothing a few sleepless nights won't remedy. I hope. Otherwise, I'm looking at a really quick fail rate. Mwahahah.
Anyway, saw something pretty amazing tonight. Clear night sky outside, the kind that makes you feel so small in the face of it all. The half-moon shining brightly, the stars twinkling strongly...and then one of them moved. As in, it was stationary for a moment, then it started to move. Very quickly. No, I'm not under the influence. It just happened before my mortal eyes. Freaking epic. Could've been a plane, maybe an optical illusion, but I'm going to stick with my 'moving star' theory. Screw modern science and rational thought. It was magical, and that's all I need to know.
Oh, and it turns out I did mess up my wrist a bit. Which isn't good, considering that next week I have a kendo grading. And an ECON test the day after. Whoo. So, essay on Monday, kendo on Tuesday, and ECON on Wednesday...8 AM. Hahahahahahahaha. Lovely. This summer's turning out to be a lot more than I expected.
Screw it.
[End Transmission]
Anyway, saw something pretty amazing tonight. Clear night sky outside, the kind that makes you feel so small in the face of it all. The half-moon shining brightly, the stars twinkling strongly...and then one of them moved. As in, it was stationary for a moment, then it started to move. Very quickly. No, I'm not under the influence. It just happened before my mortal eyes. Freaking epic. Could've been a plane, maybe an optical illusion, but I'm going to stick with my 'moving star' theory. Screw modern science and rational thought. It was magical, and that's all I need to know.
Oh, and it turns out I did mess up my wrist a bit. Which isn't good, considering that next week I have a kendo grading. And an ECON test the day after. Whoo. So, essay on Monday, kendo on Tuesday, and ECON on Wednesday...8 AM. Hahahahahahahaha. Lovely. This summer's turning out to be a lot more than I expected.
Screw it.
[End Transmission]
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Ech.
I just realized my Economics paper is a whole lot easier than the one I took last semester.
To be honest, it's probably easier because I actually learned a few things back then. Also, there isn't that annoying compulsory forum section.
Which, coincidentally, forms the bulk of my Philosophy paper.
That isn't very good. But on the other hand, it'll force me to make a stand for once...even if it means getting my arse mangled by holier-than-thou Philosophy majors who always try to one-up everyone else with their thoughts.
Just kidding.
Actually, on the issue of possums in New Zealand, I believe (here we go) that they should be eliminated only if they're threatening human wellbeing. Ambiguously useful, that. Preservation of local species, perhaps for tourism or emergency food sources, may affect the welfare of humans, thus justifying the elimination of possums.
Yes, I know there's no justifying to killing. I'm taking the utilitarian view. The problem is that possums are probably already part of the NZ ecology, and getting rid of them may also cause problems in local ecosystems. Who can tell if the possums are actually doing something useful, perhaps keeping a rampant local pest from overpopulating and achieving the exact same thing DoC keeps spouting about possums? Take away all the possums (near impossible, given that they can breed and spread pretty fast), perhaps you'd leave an imbalance in the local ecology, one native species outcompeting all others. Could be just as bad as letting the possums go free, as an animal lover might argue.
Such is the joy of philosophy - you can say whatever shite you want and it'll still be valid as long as you keep it pleasantly ambiguous.
Hm.
I also seem to have injured my left wrist. Which is not good, because the Beginner Cup starts in about a month and a bit, if I've got my timetable correct. Must prove to myself that I too can fight! Yar!
[End Transmission]
To be honest, it's probably easier because I actually learned a few things back then. Also, there isn't that annoying compulsory forum section.
Which, coincidentally, forms the bulk of my Philosophy paper.
That isn't very good. But on the other hand, it'll force me to make a stand for once...even if it means getting my arse mangled by holier-than-thou Philosophy majors who always try to one-up everyone else with their thoughts.
Just kidding.
Actually, on the issue of possums in New Zealand, I believe (here we go) that they should be eliminated only if they're threatening human wellbeing. Ambiguously useful, that. Preservation of local species, perhaps for tourism or emergency food sources, may affect the welfare of humans, thus justifying the elimination of possums.
Yes, I know there's no justifying to killing. I'm taking the utilitarian view. The problem is that possums are probably already part of the NZ ecology, and getting rid of them may also cause problems in local ecosystems. Who can tell if the possums are actually doing something useful, perhaps keeping a rampant local pest from overpopulating and achieving the exact same thing DoC keeps spouting about possums? Take away all the possums (near impossible, given that they can breed and spread pretty fast), perhaps you'd leave an imbalance in the local ecology, one native species outcompeting all others. Could be just as bad as letting the possums go free, as an animal lover might argue.
Such is the joy of philosophy - you can say whatever shite you want and it'll still be valid as long as you keep it pleasantly ambiguous.
Hm.
I also seem to have injured my left wrist. Which is not good, because the Beginner Cup starts in about a month and a bit, if I've got my timetable correct. Must prove to myself that I too can fight! Yar!
[End Transmission]
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Yet Another Late-Night Soliloquy
So I'm back.
And I'm adapting, though a bit more slowly than I'd expect myself to. The last two weeks have not been the most pleasant of re-introductions into the host culture, but personal sense of destiny (i.e. there's no way I'm going to drop out like this), kendo, and the looming threat of failure have managed to put me back in line.
And then there's the sky.
Oh, yes. I had almost forgotten. Forgotten how the stars were supposed to shine back through the inky night, celestial beings forever winking down from between the clouds. How the sunsets were not just the mundane travels our earth around the mighty star, but rather the brilliant display of so many hidden workings of the planet. How the sky can be so clear, you could feel the endlessness of outer space beyond.
Indeed, in my heart's distressed wanderings, I overlooked the many things that made me feel this place to be the right one. The reasons why I thought this was home for the next four years at least, why I thought it better than Auckland (until I found Wellington, but that's another story). In fact, I had been so sure before that I would enjoy my time here, that I would be practical and live in the now.
Of course, I'm an impractical soul. Honestly. The moment I'm reminded of the things I left behind, a glimmer of doubt breaks through. Why am I here? What am I doing here? Why should I be here? All these raced through my mind. My heart, or something close to it, pleaded for a change of place, to be out of this landlocked town in the middle of the dairy region.
I considered the options. I could easily leave. Well, easy is a relative term. I ask to be transferred, pack my bags, and scamper off to some other city in search of new grounds. But then what? I doubt I'd be happy for long wherever it is I moved into. There would be the excitement of being new, of being somewhere else...but then that would fade away into routine and I'd be stuck in this predicament once again. So, what's a guy to do?
Well, I reasoned with myself that it would only be three, four more years at the most. After that I'm pretty much welcome to bugger off wherever I please (though in reality, lack of funding will probably be an obstacle at the beginning). It's just like that night in the gym, the night I rather idiotically volunteered to watch over training equipment for instructors who had come from overseas.
Come to think of it, the conditions were eerily similar to my current predicament. Choosing without clearly thinking through the consequences. In the long term, that could be connected to me actually enrolling up in this part of the world, without having much thought on what I'd do afterwards or how I'd cope after a while. As for the gym night, I didn't think about how cold it would get (mind you, this was in winter, so it was pretty stupid to only bring a sleeping bag and sweater for warmth) or how uncomfortable sleeping directly on a wooden floor could be. As the night progressed, things became increasingly discomforting. The temperature dropped, I couldn't sleep, I didn't bring any food or water...yeah, pretty stupid. Couldn't contact anyone; it was midnight by then. I had to rest up for the following day, as there would be a whole lot more training involved and I'd miss out on too many things I'd probably never get the chance to learn again. Amidst all this, doubt began to flourish. Oh, leaving would be easy. I could just walk out the door, go home, sleep, and come back the next morning well rested. Just like that. But I'd be going against something I've promised to do. Giving up and letting down the people I had started to see as family...stay it was. In the end, I managed to sleep. I found the switch that controlled the heater fan for the gym, and could construct a makeshift bed out of some chairs. And the reward was worth it. Not only did I retain the trust and welcome from my adopted family, I also got a rare item from the most senior sensei, Yoshihiko Inoue-sensei. Oh, and some 6000 xp from surviving the two-day camp. I probably leveled up twice in that one weekend.
But I'm digressing.
The point is, this could be just like that night. A stretched out version. Staying and going through with the original plan might seem like a waste of time now...but I could always find ways of making it through. Maybe even make it enjoyable. The reward's also there. On the other hand, if I walk out the door, I could be faced with other opportunities...but perhaps not the ones I'm looking for. Either way, each action has its own set of consequences and opportunities. But for now, I'll stick with Plan A. See how it rides out. I'm already here, I've already paid...might as well make it worthwhile rather than ditching it for some other plan I haven't clearly thought out either.
In a word...meh.
p.s. To Yaz and Nda, if you guys are reading this, please know that the reason why I haven't written back is because I still have no idea what to write about. What? Write about my life? Preposterous. Compared to you guys my life is pretty much as stable as a noble gas...haha. Oh, all right. I'll write. Cheers.
[End Transmission]
And I'm adapting, though a bit more slowly than I'd expect myself to. The last two weeks have not been the most pleasant of re-introductions into the host culture, but personal sense of destiny (i.e. there's no way I'm going to drop out like this), kendo, and the looming threat of failure have managed to put me back in line.
And then there's the sky.
Oh, yes. I had almost forgotten. Forgotten how the stars were supposed to shine back through the inky night, celestial beings forever winking down from between the clouds. How the sunsets were not just the mundane travels our earth around the mighty star, but rather the brilliant display of so many hidden workings of the planet. How the sky can be so clear, you could feel the endlessness of outer space beyond.
Indeed, in my heart's distressed wanderings, I overlooked the many things that made me feel this place to be the right one. The reasons why I thought this was home for the next four years at least, why I thought it better than Auckland (until I found Wellington, but that's another story). In fact, I had been so sure before that I would enjoy my time here, that I would be practical and live in the now.
Of course, I'm an impractical soul. Honestly. The moment I'm reminded of the things I left behind, a glimmer of doubt breaks through. Why am I here? What am I doing here? Why should I be here? All these raced through my mind. My heart, or something close to it, pleaded for a change of place, to be out of this landlocked town in the middle of the dairy region.
I considered the options. I could easily leave. Well, easy is a relative term. I ask to be transferred, pack my bags, and scamper off to some other city in search of new grounds. But then what? I doubt I'd be happy for long wherever it is I moved into. There would be the excitement of being new, of being somewhere else...but then that would fade away into routine and I'd be stuck in this predicament once again. So, what's a guy to do?
Well, I reasoned with myself that it would only be three, four more years at the most. After that I'm pretty much welcome to bugger off wherever I please (though in reality, lack of funding will probably be an obstacle at the beginning). It's just like that night in the gym, the night I rather idiotically volunteered to watch over training equipment for instructors who had come from overseas.
Come to think of it, the conditions were eerily similar to my current predicament. Choosing without clearly thinking through the consequences. In the long term, that could be connected to me actually enrolling up in this part of the world, without having much thought on what I'd do afterwards or how I'd cope after a while. As for the gym night, I didn't think about how cold it would get (mind you, this was in winter, so it was pretty stupid to only bring a sleeping bag and sweater for warmth) or how uncomfortable sleeping directly on a wooden floor could be. As the night progressed, things became increasingly discomforting. The temperature dropped, I couldn't sleep, I didn't bring any food or water...yeah, pretty stupid. Couldn't contact anyone; it was midnight by then. I had to rest up for the following day, as there would be a whole lot more training involved and I'd miss out on too many things I'd probably never get the chance to learn again. Amidst all this, doubt began to flourish. Oh, leaving would be easy. I could just walk out the door, go home, sleep, and come back the next morning well rested. Just like that. But I'd be going against something I've promised to do. Giving up and letting down the people I had started to see as family...stay it was. In the end, I managed to sleep. I found the switch that controlled the heater fan for the gym, and could construct a makeshift bed out of some chairs. And the reward was worth it. Not only did I retain the trust and welcome from my adopted family, I also got a rare item from the most senior sensei, Yoshihiko Inoue-sensei. Oh, and some 6000 xp from surviving the two-day camp. I probably leveled up twice in that one weekend.
But I'm digressing.
The point is, this could be just like that night. A stretched out version. Staying and going through with the original plan might seem like a waste of time now...but I could always find ways of making it through. Maybe even make it enjoyable. The reward's also there. On the other hand, if I walk out the door, I could be faced with other opportunities...but perhaps not the ones I'm looking for. Either way, each action has its own set of consequences and opportunities. But for now, I'll stick with Plan A. See how it rides out. I'm already here, I've already paid...might as well make it worthwhile rather than ditching it for some other plan I haven't clearly thought out either.
In a word...meh.
p.s. To Yaz and Nda, if you guys are reading this, please know that the reason why I haven't written back is because I still have no idea what to write about. What? Write about my life? Preposterous. Compared to you guys my life is pretty much as stable as a noble gas...haha. Oh, all right. I'll write. Cheers.
[End Transmission]
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Foreigner At Home
Well, now, I've put this one off for too long now.
Truth is, I don't fancy writing about being home. Why? Because it'll only serve to remind me how lonely I can get once I'm back in the real world. Not lonely in the social sense, but bereft of the comforts and love I receive and have established here. From being with my family and friends, where most of the faces and skin tones are similar to mine.
Then again, home is but the place one's heart resides...and even here I feel a subtle yearning for the solitude and peace of the great green yonder on the Australasian plate border. Not to say I am not enjoying my time here; it's just that it's no longer the home I remember it to be. And as much as I'd like to deny it, things have changed. Quite a lot, I may add.
For one thing, I seem to be a bit more distant to members of the extended family I used to be quite close with. Lack of words on both sides when face-to-face, the complacent "I'm sure he/she's doing quite well" thought flitting through our minds. Of course, I'm only here for three weeks (this one's my last, oh dear), so I wouldn't expect anything other than what I've gotten (that's the complacency on my behalf).
On the other hand, my connections to my immediate family has become a lot tighter for the most part. Specifically, my brother and cousin.
It amazed me a few months back when I saw my brother when the family visited. Now that I'm here and finding out more about him, he surprises me even more. I guess the distance did help; if before we were sick of living with each other for all these past years, now we're more like old acquaintances re-learning each other. He's started seriously thinking about relationships with women, is far more skillful with the guitar than I remembered him to be (venturing forth into songwriting, as a matter of fact), and also a bit wiser to boot. We still crack jokes at each other and appreciate all those dirty jokes, which is good. But the fact that I can now talk to him for a bit longer than three minutes is even better. Ah, and he managed to turn vegetarian. Always was a stubborn one, my brother.
My cousin, 'R', changed similarly to my brother. Well, not so much, come to think of it. I've always had an easier time talking to him rather than to my brother, but now our topics are those I wouldn't have conversed about just a year ago. Last year the main topic was his affair with basketball and highschool intrigues. Now it's still about basketball and highschool drama, but with the addition of tertiary education, work, and politics. And occasionally rubbing in the fact that I'm still single after all this time (thanks for the support, R). He's no longer a kid, he's a teen now.
The city, however, has changed quite a bit. Some places are still pretty much the same, but others are...well, changing for the worse.
With development increasing, any empty lots that could've been potentially used for even the most minute rain catchment has been/are being wiped out. The first day I was here it rained quite hard for a few hours. Trapped in my car during a traffic jam, I found myself transfixed by the sheer amount of soil just flowing out in the gutters. Amazing. The next thing I noticed was how quickly the water level was rising. Within the first fifteen minutes to half hour, it was already ankle-high (wish I had a photo to show for it). And some people say it's because of global warming? Try shoddy city planning. Or shoddy national policies, for that matter.
And that's the interesting part. Everything is interrelated, more or less. People, development, poverty, 'natural' disasters, policies, and so forth. For instance, the slow development in other provinces (especially those beyond Java) has led to people moving into the cities, especially the capital for work. Because there are more people than there is living space and work, you get a surplus of labour which ends up becoming a burden on the rest of the city. How? By occupying space that could otherwise be used productively, and generating more waste (even if it's not in plastic, people still generate bodily wastes daily). This results in slums (or at least kampungs) and waste that cannot be readily disposed of in an environmentally safe way (i.e. as in developed countries - I doubt our landfills and incinerators are adequate enough as is). The slums stop water from infiltrating into the ground, the wastes clog up the waterways, gutters, and sewers. End product - flooding.
But mind you, that's only an extremely simplified example (textbook, almost). Other factors, such as the permeability of the ground, the increasing amount of development and roads, and *sigh* climate change are also part of the equation. And not just for floods, I might add.
Next up, the Busway. In an ideal world, the Busway is a wonderful idea. It's an effective and (somewhat) punctual way of getting throughout the city on public transport. And it would be so, if society followed the rules associated with it. Hailing buses and *shudder* minibuses from the side of the fucking road when the bus/minibus in question is on the farthermost lane still seems to be far more effective than having to wait at a designated stop. At least the average person around here. There's the increasing number of people driving and riding motorcycles (helmets and common sense optional), as payments have become surprising cheaper. Add to this the fact that the Busway takes up one lane of the normal road to become a pseudo-Autobahn. If anyone said that you'd spend most of your time in a car when you live here, they may change it to 'you'll spend the rest of your life in a car if you live here'. Oh, alright, it's not that spectacularly FUBAR-ed, but it's still bad. And getting worse.
I'd also put in a little rant about the new governor, who's apparently got his dirty, stubby fingers in a lot of profitable little pies, but I simply don't have the strength or will to. The other candidate was also reputedly crooked. Lesser evil? All the same. Just like Dubya winning the elections twice, you've got to question the ability of the voters to judge who should be a leader. And at the moment, I doubt the majority of the voters are looking at anything other than their next paycheck, so it shouldn't be too surprising that they'd vote for someone who can *ahem* donate to them. Oh well. This should be interesting to see from a safe, comfy spot on the other side of the world.
Aaaand...that's a wrap. Sorry to disappoint anyone looking for anything substantial or wholly enlightening here. It's a blog. Whaddaya expect?
[End Transmission]
Truth is, I don't fancy writing about being home. Why? Because it'll only serve to remind me how lonely I can get once I'm back in the real world. Not lonely in the social sense, but bereft of the comforts and love I receive and have established here. From being with my family and friends, where most of the faces and skin tones are similar to mine.
Then again, home is but the place one's heart resides...and even here I feel a subtle yearning for the solitude and peace of the great green yonder on the Australasian plate border. Not to say I am not enjoying my time here; it's just that it's no longer the home I remember it to be. And as much as I'd like to deny it, things have changed. Quite a lot, I may add.
For one thing, I seem to be a bit more distant to members of the extended family I used to be quite close with. Lack of words on both sides when face-to-face, the complacent "I'm sure he/she's doing quite well" thought flitting through our minds. Of course, I'm only here for three weeks (this one's my last, oh dear), so I wouldn't expect anything other than what I've gotten (that's the complacency on my behalf).
On the other hand, my connections to my immediate family has become a lot tighter for the most part. Specifically, my brother and cousin.
It amazed me a few months back when I saw my brother when the family visited. Now that I'm here and finding out more about him, he surprises me even more. I guess the distance did help; if before we were sick of living with each other for all these past years, now we're more like old acquaintances re-learning each other. He's started seriously thinking about relationships with women, is far more skillful with the guitar than I remembered him to be (venturing forth into songwriting, as a matter of fact), and also a bit wiser to boot. We still crack jokes at each other and appreciate all those dirty jokes, which is good. But the fact that I can now talk to him for a bit longer than three minutes is even better. Ah, and he managed to turn vegetarian. Always was a stubborn one, my brother.
My cousin, 'R', changed similarly to my brother. Well, not so much, come to think of it. I've always had an easier time talking to him rather than to my brother, but now our topics are those I wouldn't have conversed about just a year ago. Last year the main topic was his affair with basketball and highschool intrigues. Now it's still about basketball and highschool drama, but with the addition of tertiary education, work, and politics. And occasionally rubbing in the fact that I'm still single after all this time (thanks for the support, R). He's no longer a kid, he's a teen now.
The city, however, has changed quite a bit. Some places are still pretty much the same, but others are...well, changing for the worse.
With development increasing, any empty lots that could've been potentially used for even the most minute rain catchment has been/are being wiped out. The first day I was here it rained quite hard for a few hours. Trapped in my car during a traffic jam, I found myself transfixed by the sheer amount of soil just flowing out in the gutters. Amazing. The next thing I noticed was how quickly the water level was rising. Within the first fifteen minutes to half hour, it was already ankle-high (wish I had a photo to show for it). And some people say it's because of global warming? Try shoddy city planning. Or shoddy national policies, for that matter.
And that's the interesting part. Everything is interrelated, more or less. People, development, poverty, 'natural' disasters, policies, and so forth. For instance, the slow development in other provinces (especially those beyond Java) has led to people moving into the cities, especially the capital for work. Because there are more people than there is living space and work, you get a surplus of labour which ends up becoming a burden on the rest of the city. How? By occupying space that could otherwise be used productively, and generating more waste (even if it's not in plastic, people still generate bodily wastes daily). This results in slums (or at least kampungs) and waste that cannot be readily disposed of in an environmentally safe way (i.e. as in developed countries - I doubt our landfills and incinerators are adequate enough as is). The slums stop water from infiltrating into the ground, the wastes clog up the waterways, gutters, and sewers. End product - flooding.
But mind you, that's only an extremely simplified example (textbook, almost). Other factors, such as the permeability of the ground, the increasing amount of development and roads, and *sigh* climate change are also part of the equation. And not just for floods, I might add.
Next up, the Busway. In an ideal world, the Busway is a wonderful idea. It's an effective and (somewhat) punctual way of getting throughout the city on public transport. And it would be so, if society followed the rules associated with it. Hailing buses and *shudder* minibuses from the side of the fucking road when the bus/minibus in question is on the farthermost lane still seems to be far more effective than having to wait at a designated stop. At least the average person around here. There's the increasing number of people driving and riding motorcycles (helmets and common sense optional), as payments have become surprising cheaper. Add to this the fact that the Busway takes up one lane of the normal road to become a pseudo-Autobahn. If anyone said that you'd spend most of your time in a car when you live here, they may change it to 'you'll spend the rest of your life in a car if you live here'. Oh, alright, it's not that spectacularly FUBAR-ed, but it's still bad. And getting worse.
I'd also put in a little rant about the new governor, who's apparently got his dirty, stubby fingers in a lot of profitable little pies, but I simply don't have the strength or will to. The other candidate was also reputedly crooked. Lesser evil? All the same. Just like Dubya winning the elections twice, you've got to question the ability of the voters to judge who should be a leader. And at the moment, I doubt the majority of the voters are looking at anything other than their next paycheck, so it shouldn't be too surprising that they'd vote for someone who can *ahem* donate to them. Oh well. This should be interesting to see from a safe, comfy spot on the other side of the world.
Aaaand...that's a wrap. Sorry to disappoint anyone looking for anything substantial or wholly enlightening here. It's a blog. Whaddaya expect?
[End Transmission]
Thursday, October 18, 2007
Sakura
I said I'd put up something about cherry blossoms, so here's to fulfilling that promise. Well, kind of. Most of the blossoms are gone, and spring is going into full gear now. That aside, here's what I said I'd put up.
And to wrap it up, the official ending song to Byousoku 5 Centimeter.
Enjoy.
[end transmission]
And to wrap it up, the official ending song to Byousoku 5 Centimeter.
Enjoy.
[end transmission]
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Ni-Ju
Ah.
I have drifted through four more seasons, a new mark on my lengthly stay in this plane of existence.
I must say, it doesn't feel any more different than last year. I'm pretty much still the same person, still making stupid mistakes, still doing things wrong. But I do think I managed to do a few things right in the span of all this time, little bits and pieces of time and space that I knew were worth the effort I put into it.
I guess my previous age set me up quite nicely for this one. I've made so many more choices, mistakes, and personal triumphs than I ever had. It also marks the first time I'll be "celebrating" beyond the reach of my family. Almost. Not that it's a bad thing, but it's something I may have to get used to as I grow older and older as the earth completes more cycles around the sun.
Anyway, it's strange that I feel strangely calm about it; last year was a rather...angsty birthday. Struck with the realization that I was stuck in neutral gear and aging to boot, I kept lamenting the fact that my youth is nearing its end. But now...well, now my world seems to present so many more possibilities and opportunities. I can scarcely wait for my next year to end to gauge the extent of improvement in my kendo. Perhaps I'll be competing then, though probably getting pwned by everyone else for a start. It's also another year of university (hopefully), more challenges and fun, new people to meet and work with.
Yea.
It's all good. And I don't even need to celebrate it; it's a celebration in its own way.
Of course, all due thanks to God and parents, who have kept me alive, (somewhat) well, and prepared to face life on my own.
p.s. for those wondering why I haven't posted anything up lately, even with the promised videoclip from the last post, it's because things have been quite all over the place, what with Eid (whoops, should've posted that up too) and exams. Gomen.
[end transmission]
I have drifted through four more seasons, a new mark on my lengthly stay in this plane of existence.
I must say, it doesn't feel any more different than last year. I'm pretty much still the same person, still making stupid mistakes, still doing things wrong. But I do think I managed to do a few things right in the span of all this time, little bits and pieces of time and space that I knew were worth the effort I put into it.
I guess my previous age set me up quite nicely for this one. I've made so many more choices, mistakes, and personal triumphs than I ever had. It also marks the first time I'll be "celebrating" beyond the reach of my family. Almost. Not that it's a bad thing, but it's something I may have to get used to as I grow older and older as the earth completes more cycles around the sun.
Anyway, it's strange that I feel strangely calm about it; last year was a rather...angsty birthday. Struck with the realization that I was stuck in neutral gear and aging to boot, I kept lamenting the fact that my youth is nearing its end. But now...well, now my world seems to present so many more possibilities and opportunities. I can scarcely wait for my next year to end to gauge the extent of improvement in my kendo. Perhaps I'll be competing then, though probably getting pwned by everyone else for a start. It's also another year of university (hopefully), more challenges and fun, new people to meet and work with.
Yea.
It's all good. And I don't even need to celebrate it; it's a celebration in its own way.
Of course, all due thanks to God and parents, who have kept me alive, (somewhat) well, and prepared to face life on my own.
p.s. for those wondering why I haven't posted anything up lately, even with the promised videoclip from the last post, it's because things have been quite all over the place, what with Eid (whoops, should've posted that up too) and exams. Gomen.
[end transmission]
Friday, September 28, 2007
5 Centimeters per Second
Okay. I admit, I sometimes let a few tears slip out when it comes to watching rather dramatic moments in movies. Like when Mufasa died in The Lion King. Or when Lord Katsumoto dies in The Last Samurai, rather than Tom Cruise (admittedly, those were tears of disbelief that the only white person in the samurai army survives everyone else in a hail of steel and brimstone). If memory serves me correctly, I was inconsolable at the end of the Les Miserables production, where *SPOILER!* Jean Valjean dies of old age and goes to heaven escorted by a chorus *SPOILER!*. Watching most of The Curse of the Golden Throne also comes to mind...though those were out of an entirely different emotion altogether. Might have been the pain of...er...best not write about it in a family-safe blog like this. Especially not since quite a few people are reading these sordid accounts...
Now, I haven't seen any movies good enough to warrant any manly tears (because if I say otherwise it would be labeled sissy tears). Come to think of it, the last movie I saw in the theater was Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. Which was a letdown, really. But that's apart from the point. The point is that I've been too lazy (and cheap) to go into town and buy a movie ticket. Let me just add that the reason I watched Harry Potter was because I was desperate to get out of the house and my kendo buddy Awa offered me to join him, his girlfriend, and his girlfriend's (unfortunately underaged) sisters watch Harry Potter. Thus, transportation and desperation solved, I steeled myself and sat through that horse buggy of a movie. Not that I should be complaining, seeing as to how I scored a free ride. Har.
So it came to chance, as I was sick, that another Kendo buddy, Benji, came over and gave me a DVD chock full of anime- and kendo-related stuff (he's also the one who introduced me to the wonderful world of Azumanga Daioh). Why he wasted a perfectly good DVD on a dud like me is still a mystery (could it be, gasp, friendship?), but it's appreciated nonetheless. After watching the likes of Yojimbo and Twilight Samurai - both very, very excellent, by the way - I came across a little (as in 475 MB) video file named '5 Centimeters per Second'. Being the procrastinator that I am, I clicked on it instead of doing my homework and ended up being mesmerized for an hour and a half by the works of Makoto Shinkai. And I've got to say, this guy has an eye for detail. All of the backgrounds are heavily detailed, and will probably look pretty much the same in real-world Japan. It's crazy. For a guy who started out animation only using Photoshop, he's got mad skills in both illustration and storytelling. Not to mention the sweet-but-melancholic tunes of composer Tenmon. He's not quite Joe Hisaishi, but he always manages to set the feeling just right.
5 Centimeters per Second is an anime trilogy about the separation between two people, beginning from junior high up till adulthood. They are best friends first, are separated, become lovers, are further separated, and suddenly their connection is cut. How it ends...well, as much as I'd like to write it out so that my next few paragraphs make sense, it's something best watched on your own. Suffice to say it was a profoundly 'WTF', yet hard-hitting, ending for me. Actually, the tears came out during the first chapter, 'Oukashou'. But the second and third installments, though progressively leaning a bit into the realm of daytime soap opera fare, are also of large significance to me.
So why did I bother to get all worked up over the first episode? The main plot is that a year after being separated after graduating from primary school, Tohno-kun (the boy), decides to meet Akari (the girl) before he moves even farther away to his parents' next workplace. They've been in contact for a year, patiently writing to each other, and he embarks on a trip to the region outside of Tokyo (where he lives) to see her. Let's just say it isn't the easiest of journeys, and a lot of reminiscing happens. At the climax, things get quite desperate, and the narration becomes solemn and heavy. This is when two, nay, three tears dropped out. The way Makoto Shinkai portrayed Tohno-kun's anguish on a delayed train, knowing that he may have missed his last chance to meet a beloved *wink wink* friend was just...well...too much. Almost real. I could feel that pain. Not sure if it's because I've had a similar feeling...though it probably is. Perhaps I saw a bit of me in Tohno-kun, and that's why it felt 'real'. Meh.
Now, I would've been happy with the ending of 'Oukashou' (no spoilers :D), seeing as to how 'Cosmonaut' and 'Byousoku 5 Centimeters' started losing the touch the first chapter had. But as I said, both rang their own tunes in me. 'Cosmonaut' follows on where 'Oukashou' left off, around three years after the trip. Both Tohno-kun and Akari are senior highschool students now, both living far away from each other (though in the same country). The focus now draws on Tohno's life, and the girl who has been hopelessly smitten by his personality. However, he's still fixated on Akari, or rather the memory of her. A few spoilers coming your way, along with a soliloquy... be ye fairly warned.
By Cosmonaut, the boy is no longer in contact with his girlfriend. However, he continues to dream and think about her, never really doing much else. He types text messages but never sends them, instead preferring to keep her as a memory. A girl at his new school falls for him, but by the end of the film she realises that whatever she does, he'll never notice her because he's too engrossed in thinking of his old love. In 5 Centimeters Per Second, it's been years after, and both the boy and his old love are now adults. Though living in the same city, they never meet. While she has decided to move on, he keeps himself in the past, burying his feelings through work. Still, when cherry blossoms bloom, the feelings re-emerge, and he becomes bitter with the knowledge that he lost his youth mooning over a girl that could still have been his.
For some reason, the whole trilogy resonates within me. There is truth in each one, and especially with the ending. I've seen that relationships work only when both people are ready to make the necessary effort to keep the feelings alive. Yet, even with that knowledge, I don't really do much about it. Rather than go out and actively look for a girlfriend, I assure myself that a) I can't get one because I'm a mess of a person, or b) when she'll arrive in my life, I'll know instantly. Of course, I do realize the futility in both. But I still don't choose to do something else. Like the boy in the movies, I try to avoid it by busying myself with other things, like doing kendo and drawing lazy-ass comics (two things I doubt will get me any closer to finding a girlfriend, coincidentally).
Also, I know for sure that I've once failed to notice the feeling of affection towards me because I was too busy chasing after an idealized version of a girl who rejected me. Not even chasing; just like the boy in the movies, I simply did nothing to remedy my situation. Or really think much beyond it. Perhaps I could have had a great (if short) relationship with a girl who liked me for what I was, rather than spend much of my senior year moping and complaining about how I couldn't get a girlfriend. One fun point to poke out - I was so taken aback by her offer that I never answered. Simply put, I'm not desperate, for if I were, I would be desperately talking up all the Japanese/Chinese/Taiwanese/Korean women on campus in hopes that one of them would consider me good enough as a boyfriend. I think I'm actually scared of making that jump, from only thinking about myself and my wants to thinking about another person all the time.
The irony is, even if I write it out for all to see on this blog, I'm probably not going to do anything about it. Though I don't plan on staying single for the entirety of my university days (which would be a waste of potential, given that I didn't experience it in my school days), I'm probably going to bury myself in kendo and friendships, putting on the airs of a desperate pervert only to satisfy the curiosity of others as to why I don't yet have a girlfriend. Kind of like Tohno-kun.
Well, that's out of the way now. This kind of reminds of the time I wrote an entire essay-length entry on the game The Shadow of the Colossus back in my old (and DEAD! DEAD, I TELL YOU, DEAD! MWAHAHAHAH!) blog. I can get quite worked up about something so damn trivial, and ignore the fact that my *cue Borat-esque accent* home country has been on the business end of a few earth earthquakes lately. Or how people seem to object to the idea of nuclear power, although if as much resources were put into developing better techniques to use it efficiently, it would probably be better than using fossil fuels.
And yes, I do realize that last sentence has nothing at all to do with anything I've said before.
By the way, 5 cm per second is the speed by which sakura petals fall. And that is a major theme in the movie. Next mini-post will be the end theme of the trilogy, and you might see a bit more why it drove me to cry alone in a dark room.
On the other news...Daylight Savings Time starts this Sunday, which is coincidentally the day of my ERTH104 field trip. Joy! This means that instead of going at the reasonably early time (well, for me) of 8.45 AM, I get to go at 7.45 AM. Huzzah! At least it also means it'll get warmer soon, and that the nights will become a little bit more bearable without the heater (the damn thing died on me two weeks ago, but I dare not let anyone come into my guerilla-camp-with-Saxon-treasure-hoard-atmosphere-esque room...*shudder*). Such is life.
Ah, and I completely forgot to put on pictures of the sakura that I mentioned two posts ago. They'll come up as soon as I get batteries. Yeaa.
p.s. a belated Happy Anniversary for my Yankung and Yandung...love you both!
[End Transmission]
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Cherry Blossoms and Abdominal Pains
This has to be a first time that I get to see cherry blossoms in a long time. This has also got to be the first time I experience inexplicable abdominal pain.
No, I haven't been drinking the detergent. And no, it's not a period.
For some reason, I woke up at two this morning with the center of stomach feeling like pins and needles. I figured it was some really bad indigestion going on, so I downed two bottles of Norit (yay, charcoal!) and tried go back to bed. By three, it got a bit worse, and it definitely wasn't the gas. The best I could do was huddle and clutch my stomach, hoping it would get better. It didn't. So I figured I might as well eat the pre-fast meal of the day. Which turned out to be quite a mistake, seeing as my stomach was disagreeing with my downing two kiwifruits and a piece of bread. So I downed another bottle and hoped it would pass. Not the brightest idea, I know. Anyway, I was able to somewhat sleep in, and had to miss two morning tutorials as it got a little uncontrollable. By eleven, it subsided enough to allow for proper movement. Feh. I probably should've broken my fast by then. Go figure.
Anyway, no doctors on campus until Monday, which leaves me only with the option of going into the town clinic...which is fcking expensive. Option 1: ignore and ride the pain. Option 2: give in and pay the bill to figure out what exactly is eating me from within (wow, so emo).
The upside was that I finally noticed that we have cherry blossoms on campus. And they're in bloom! If it weren't Ramadan (and drinking on campus were allowed), I'd have asked some of the guys from kendo to have a little cherry blossom viewing event. The kind with drinking hot sake and singing off key. Yes. And staging mini-pseudo-kabuki plays! Damn.
I'll post some pictures of the cherry blossoms as soon as I get some replacement batteries for the camera...curses...
[end transmission]
No, I haven't been drinking the detergent. And no, it's not a period.
For some reason, I woke up at two this morning with the center of stomach feeling like pins and needles. I figured it was some really bad indigestion going on, so I downed two bottles of Norit (yay, charcoal!) and tried go back to bed. By three, it got a bit worse, and it definitely wasn't the gas. The best I could do was huddle and clutch my stomach, hoping it would get better. It didn't. So I figured I might as well eat the pre-fast meal of the day. Which turned out to be quite a mistake, seeing as my stomach was disagreeing with my downing two kiwifruits and a piece of bread. So I downed another bottle and hoped it would pass. Not the brightest idea, I know. Anyway, I was able to somewhat sleep in, and had to miss two morning tutorials as it got a little uncontrollable. By eleven, it subsided enough to allow for proper movement. Feh. I probably should've broken my fast by then. Go figure.
Anyway, no doctors on campus until Monday, which leaves me only with the option of going into the town clinic...which is fcking expensive. Option 1: ignore and ride the pain. Option 2: give in and pay the bill to figure out what exactly is eating me from within (wow, so emo).
The upside was that I finally noticed that we have cherry blossoms on campus. And they're in bloom! If it weren't Ramadan (and drinking on campus were allowed), I'd have asked some of the guys from kendo to have a little cherry blossom viewing event. The kind with drinking hot sake and singing off key. Yes. And staging mini-pseudo-kabuki plays! Damn.
I'll post some pictures of the cherry blossoms as soon as I get some replacement batteries for the camera...curses...
[end transmission]
Sunday, September 9, 2007
Ramadan!
Whoa.
In about 3 days the month of Ramadan is about to start. And this year will be a milestone for yours truly; it will mark the first time I'll be fasting for a month straight (hopefully) alone and in a foreign land. This means things will be different here. Very different. For one, nobody's going to wake me up at 4 AM to eat sahur (pre-fast meal). Second, I'm going to have prepare my own sahur. Third, I have to wake up early enough to prepare and eat my sahur. Fourth, I'm going to have to make my own fast breaking meals (breakfast?). Fifth, there will be no external indicators of when I can break my fast (e.g. the mosque loudspeakers or television broadcasts back home), so I'll have to be twice as alert.
So, yea. It'll definitely be a lot more different. But I'm looking forward to it. It'll be something to write about. Especially after I start realizing that staying up till 2 AM is not the best choice when I have to wake up at 4 to eat. Heheh. And maybe having to do this all on my own will enlighten me a bit more. Maybe. Nonetheless, it'll be new and (perhaps) exciting. Yay for me.
Righty-o. Other than that, I'm now a 5th kyu kendoka, and I only have one more essay to do for this semester. Oh, and I found a new halal deli in town. Sweet. That'll probably help for my sahurs. Yosh!
[end transmission]
In about 3 days the month of Ramadan is about to start. And this year will be a milestone for yours truly; it will mark the first time I'll be fasting for a month straight (hopefully) alone and in a foreign land. This means things will be different here. Very different. For one, nobody's going to wake me up at 4 AM to eat sahur (pre-fast meal). Second, I'm going to have prepare my own sahur. Third, I have to wake up early enough to prepare and eat my sahur. Fourth, I'm going to have to make my own fast breaking meals (breakfast?). Fifth, there will be no external indicators of when I can break my fast (e.g. the mosque loudspeakers or television broadcasts back home), so I'll have to be twice as alert.
So, yea. It'll definitely be a lot more different. But I'm looking forward to it. It'll be something to write about. Especially after I start realizing that staying up till 2 AM is not the best choice when I have to wake up at 4 to eat. Heheh. And maybe having to do this all on my own will enlighten me a bit more. Maybe. Nonetheless, it'll be new and (perhaps) exciting. Yay for me.
Righty-o. Other than that, I'm now a 5th kyu kendoka, and I only have one more essay to do for this semester. Oh, and I found a new halal deli in town. Sweet. That'll probably help for my sahurs. Yosh!
[end transmission]
Friday, August 31, 2007
Ad Infinitum
I had this thought stewing around in my head since the night of the lunar eclipse. The night the moon turned blood-red in all its ethereal glory.
It struck me that all I could think about of the eclipse was that the moon turned blood red, something eerie and ominous. Something that comes out of a videogame, where I’d be ambushed by some random monsters on the way home from kendo. That image stuck on my mind so much that I couldn’t really appreciate any other aspect of it properly. Sure, it was blood red, but that’s about all I cared. I didn’t care for any cultural significances, or celestial movements. I had effectively limited my scope to one that I was comfortable with.
Not that limiting you view is always a bad thing, really. To even try to view anything from all angles, whether physical, mental, emotional, or whatever, would drive you insane. Thus, it’s sometimes necessary for one to place a certain view on things, in a way that you’re comfortable and able to cope with. I believe it’s part of being human.
Example, a person who is not hungry can view an apple in many ways. That person may look at it and appreciate how flawless its complexion is, how healthy it looks, or how its placement in a fruit basket looks. On the other hand, a person who is hungry will most likely view the apple in less ways, probably only seeing the apple as a fruit which can be consumed.
Alternatively, we could use personalities. I believe that if my many aspects of personality are hooked out of me and extended, I’d probably reach China, or maybe even go around the world. However, the ‘me’ that people see and perceive is but a fraction of that length, in a spectrum which people accept me in. One of my juniors, a girl who knows me only through words and bits of information scattered throughout online conversations, sees that ‘me’ as a loving (perhaps doting) elder brother that she might not have had. What she will think of me once the cybernetic barrier is lifted and we finally meet in person, that will be something to look forward to. Would I meet her expectations of what she perceives me to be? It’s easy to give advice and talk to a person you clearly don’t know, but to do so once you have extended the boundaries of perception and become emotionally involved with that person...that’s a whole different story entirely. Probably most of the people who talk to me over MSN (discounting close, ‘real-life’ friends) hardly know me as anything but the ‘big brother’ presence which assures them that things will be fine and tries to give them good advice to learn from. Ironically, my arbitrary advice on romantic relationships seems to work on others rather than myself. Personal experiences drawn from observing the love lives of others doesn’t automatically work, useful as it is for reference.
On that same note, most of my best friends first saw me as an annoying, somewhat snooty jerk who kept getting his foot in his mouth and complicating affairs. Likewise, my relationship with them mostly started out on the wrong foot (e.g. arguing with Han on the bus because he couldn’t shut up, starting an unfriendly rivalry with Nda in drama class, immediately showing Yaz my photo albums the first time she came to my house, constantly ‘harassing’ Apu because I had a huge crush on her...the list just goes on and on) and ironically end up with a strong bond of camaraderie. Their perception spectrums (as well as mine) were gradually broadened after a rather constricted first opinion, generally because of some event that shows either or both parties in a light the other hasn’t seen. Or just that we have nobody else to hang around with, as was most cases of my friendships. The best of comradeships are formed in the most difficult of situations...even if it’s because of a difficulty in hanging out with other people.
I could put this in a religious/political perspective, but why bother? My views on those things don’t really matter. As far as I’m concerned, my religious perspective is wide enough to tolerate others (which don’t try to impose their perspectives on me) yet narrow enough for me to keep focused and detailed on. Politics...well...let’s just say I have a thing against politics. It’s all a big, convoluted, hypocritical mass which is as fickle as lady luck. Perspectives in that change as often as thoughts in someone with ADD.
The whole point of this entry was just to remind myself that although the world around me really has no boundaries if I want to view it that way, I automatically constrict myself to a boxed-in viewpoint, much like conventional maps. I do it because it’s convenient, comfortable, and less complicated. I could choose to try to view people in all their aspects, but all that would do is make me stalk a few people for years just to know every angle of them.
And why the serious rant all of a sudden? No real reason, I'm just feeling pseudo-philosophical.
Monday, August 27, 2007
Oh, Them Halcyon Days
It’s funny. I’ve spent so long not thinking about home, and all it takes for me to feel a little pang of longing is looking at my old highschool’s website. Strange how memories of a place that is no longer the same for me affects me more than images and conversations with people from home. It’s as if the whole notion of home is overshadowed by that of friendship and camaraderie. Not that I see home is unimportant, that is. But home is something I…well…go home to. And hopefully will always be able to return to. On the other hand, highschool was different. Those were days of close-knit companionship, first loves, and thinking of little else. Back home, most thoughts were of either going abroad or looking forwards (or dreading) to a new day filled with fun and misadventures.
Yes, I do miss my highschool. Not so much the school and the studies themselves, but the people who were part of my experience. My friends, for sure. I found that friendship can be as thick as blood (though not as thick as my skull, at most times) and lasting friendships can be forged out of the fires of rivalry and hardship. My best friends, more like real brothers and sisters than simple friends. My juniors, those who saw me as less of a senior and more of a big-brother figure who was willing to lend a helping piece of advice or two. My film club comrades, people with whom I shared work, pain, joy, food, and the occasional bed. My teachers, who were there to teach and support me, in all their quirky little ways. Like Jacqueline Z. Cussen, the ‘Mother of the Revolution’ and year-level coordinator for the last years of my highschool. Truly a character straight out of a Shakespearean satire. And my principals…well, they were there, and they were always pretty fun to mess around with (like the time *some people* issued the fake announcements detailing uniform requirements…Ronald McDonald shoes, anyone?). In short, it was an entirely different world. And it still sticks to my heart like that piece of gum I stepped on earlier this morning stick to my shoe.
A testament to our glory days.
Alas, even if I return, it will never be same experience. My friends have gone, my juniors grown up, my teachers off to new horizons…even the buildings have changed and improved. And that was only a month after I graduated. So I can only look in longing at the photographs and smile as I read the online newsletters, all the while reminiscing the ‘good old days’ I once had. I certainly won’t forget them, but they’re just that; memories, and nothing more.
C’est la vie, shikata ga nai, and whatnot.
[End Transmission]
Yes, I do miss my highschool. Not so much the school and the studies themselves, but the people who were part of my experience. My friends, for sure. I found that friendship can be as thick as blood (though not as thick as my skull, at most times) and lasting friendships can be forged out of the fires of rivalry and hardship. My best friends, more like real brothers and sisters than simple friends. My juniors, those who saw me as less of a senior and more of a big-brother figure who was willing to lend a helping piece of advice or two. My film club comrades, people with whom I shared work, pain, joy, food, and the occasional bed. My teachers, who were there to teach and support me, in all their quirky little ways. Like Jacqueline Z. Cussen, the ‘Mother of the Revolution’ and year-level coordinator for the last years of my highschool. Truly a character straight out of a Shakespearean satire. And my principals…well, they were there, and they were always pretty fun to mess around with (like the time *some people* issued the fake announcements detailing uniform requirements…Ronald McDonald shoes, anyone?). In short, it was an entirely different world. And it still sticks to my heart like that piece of gum I stepped on earlier this morning stick to my shoe.
A testament to our glory days.Alas, even if I return, it will never be same experience. My friends have gone, my juniors grown up, my teachers off to new horizons…even the buildings have changed and improved. And that was only a month after I graduated. So I can only look in longing at the photographs and smile as I read the online newsletters, all the while reminiscing the ‘good old days’ I once had. I certainly won’t forget them, but they’re just that; memories, and nothing more.
C’est la vie, shikata ga nai, and whatnot.
[End Transmission]
Monday, July 30, 2007
On Oversleeping, Raw Fish, and Harry Potter
Question: What do the three topics above have in common?
Answer: Nothing at all.
If anyone really tried to deduct what's running through my mind when I write my entries, I'd suggest it's really a waste of their time. Now, on to the real post!
My oversleeping has become a dangerous habit of late. It's only been a month since I entered the semester and already I've been missing morning lectures here and there. I know the problem, and I know the solution. Breaking the habit, however, is a different matter. For those in the audience that know me, I'm a bit of a nightcrawler; Sleep late, wake late. Yes, I do realise that if I shifted that time a little bit back (say, 5 hours?) I'd have exactly the same time to do all my business for the day and still have time left over for quality me time. So that's what I'm working on, currently. That and getting to class on time. I still managed to get late to Friday's 9 am lecture even though I woke up at 6 (one of those mercifully rare occurrences that coincide with the arrival of the blue moon and motivation). So yes...time management's still the big issue. But I'm getting there. Trust me. These sleep-depraved eyes can only betray so much longing for a balance to the system. No, seriously.
I bought a kilo of raw fish last Friday. Why did I buy a kilo? I had no idea how much it would be, and I naively thought it would last in the fridge for at least a week. Contrary to my expectations (thought it's probably everybody else's), it did not. I managed to use four of the nine fillets and turned them into teriyaki-marinated grilled fish (had it for breakfat today...sugoi, ne...) on the weekend before checking them again this afternoon. To my surprise, it smelt fishy...-er than before. At first I thought it was the rotting vegetation that lines the veggie bin (I kid you not; nobody's willing to take responsibility for the marsh that lies within the recesses of our refrigerator) . Then I poked my hand in...and surprise, surprise, it was somewhat...slimy. Let me allow myself a short narrative in which our hero finds that his fish has, indeed, joined the undead.
As he reached tentatively into the plastic bag which held his marine sustenance, he noticed an odor most foul which seemed to emanate from within. It was a smell unlike any other, the smell of...death. Undaunted, whether by courage or sheer stupidity, he reached farther and farther within to grasp the true meaning of what lay within. A single touch warned him; a single, delicate touch of a dirty finger onto the half-putrid flesh of the animal. His stomach turned, though not from disgust; rather, from the hopes that his money had not been spent in vain. In desperation, he rammed his hand in, and drew out a single fillet of fish. It did not look as if it were in the throes of decay; it was still white, as white as it had been when he purchased it. But the trade of flesh had passed over the three days know as the weekend, and the bag had not been seen to properly. An opaque layer of fine slime covered the fish, and that too smelt foul, just like his laundry. Shaking his head and muttering in denial, he uttered the mantra he thought would work; "it's still safe to eat". But in his heart of hearts he knew that the fish was beyond saving. All five of them would have to be sent away, never to enjoy the ultimate sacrifice within his churning stomach. Yet, perhaps it was for the best of all that our hero placed the steadily decomposing remains in the trash can, whence they would be taken away and left to rot in peace. And after all, he was now a little wiser. Never again would he put fish in the fridge for more than 3 days.
Wow. I'd give J.K. Rowlings a run for her money with such superb storytelling skills (thanks, Nenek). And speaking of which, I read the last book. At the end of the book I realised three things. First, it ended the way I knew it would end...and come off extremely cheesy by doing so. I don't want to be a spoiler, but let's just say the best friends will become...ahem...more related to each other, and some character pairings seem to be the work of a clandestine (and rabid) fanfic group. Or maybe it was just Ms. Rowlings feeling 'inspired'. Second, it doesn't have Harry going all postal and turning into 'Dirty Harry' the Auror who blasts the living daylights out of every Death Eater he finds (although I do not doubt that a like-minded fanfic writer is typing away furiously with this idea as I write). Thirdly, I realised that I had wasted an entire weekend reading the damn thing while I should've gone and did my homework. Alas, such is my self control that the smallest distraction sends me packing off in another direction.
Still, I'm quite happy that Harry Potter ended the way it did. Unlike many an anime/manga, say, Dragonball or Bleach, both of which seem to head off into the horizon with the number of episodes and story arcs still being introduced to the franchise, it broke it off at the right moment. Sure, I'd like to know what happens afterwards (and I will not accept "happily ever after" as an answer), but I'll leave that to the rabid fanfic writers. Now, if I can only find some time to go at the end of the week, I should be able to procure more fish...and maybe hook me up with some more of that Samurai Champloo...oh, yes. Then it'll all be sweet as.
Ciao.
[End Transmission]
Answer: Nothing at all.
If anyone really tried to deduct what's running through my mind when I write my entries, I'd suggest it's really a waste of their time. Now, on to the real post!
My oversleeping has become a dangerous habit of late. It's only been a month since I entered the semester and already I've been missing morning lectures here and there. I know the problem, and I know the solution. Breaking the habit, however, is a different matter. For those in the audience that know me, I'm a bit of a nightcrawler; Sleep late, wake late. Yes, I do realise that if I shifted that time a little bit back (say, 5 hours?) I'd have exactly the same time to do all my business for the day and still have time left over for quality me time. So that's what I'm working on, currently. That and getting to class on time. I still managed to get late to Friday's 9 am lecture even though I woke up at 6 (one of those mercifully rare occurrences that coincide with the arrival of the blue moon and motivation). So yes...time management's still the big issue. But I'm getting there. Trust me. These sleep-depraved eyes can only betray so much longing for a balance to the system. No, seriously.
I bought a kilo of raw fish last Friday. Why did I buy a kilo? I had no idea how much it would be, and I naively thought it would last in the fridge for at least a week. Contrary to my expectations (thought it's probably everybody else's), it did not. I managed to use four of the nine fillets and turned them into teriyaki-marinated grilled fish (had it for breakfat today...sugoi, ne...) on the weekend before checking them again this afternoon. To my surprise, it smelt fishy...-er than before. At first I thought it was the rotting vegetation that lines the veggie bin (I kid you not; nobody's willing to take responsibility for the marsh that lies within the recesses of our refrigerator) . Then I poked my hand in...and surprise, surprise, it was somewhat...slimy. Let me allow myself a short narrative in which our hero finds that his fish has, indeed, joined the undead.
As he reached tentatively into the plastic bag which held his marine sustenance, he noticed an odor most foul which seemed to emanate from within. It was a smell unlike any other, the smell of...death. Undaunted, whether by courage or sheer stupidity, he reached farther and farther within to grasp the true meaning of what lay within. A single touch warned him; a single, delicate touch of a dirty finger onto the half-putrid flesh of the animal. His stomach turned, though not from disgust; rather, from the hopes that his money had not been spent in vain. In desperation, he rammed his hand in, and drew out a single fillet of fish. It did not look as if it were in the throes of decay; it was still white, as white as it had been when he purchased it. But the trade of flesh had passed over the three days know as the weekend, and the bag had not been seen to properly. An opaque layer of fine slime covered the fish, and that too smelt foul, just like his laundry. Shaking his head and muttering in denial, he uttered the mantra he thought would work; "it's still safe to eat". But in his heart of hearts he knew that the fish was beyond saving. All five of them would have to be sent away, never to enjoy the ultimate sacrifice within his churning stomach. Yet, perhaps it was for the best of all that our hero placed the steadily decomposing remains in the trash can, whence they would be taken away and left to rot in peace. And after all, he was now a little wiser. Never again would he put fish in the fridge for more than 3 days.
Wow. I'd give J.K. Rowlings a run for her money with such superb storytelling skills (thanks, Nenek). And speaking of which, I read the last book. At the end of the book I realised three things. First, it ended the way I knew it would end...and come off extremely cheesy by doing so. I don't want to be a spoiler, but let's just say the best friends will become...ahem...more related to each other, and some character pairings seem to be the work of a clandestine (and rabid) fanfic group. Or maybe it was just Ms. Rowlings feeling 'inspired'. Second, it doesn't have Harry going all postal and turning into 'Dirty Harry' the Auror who blasts the living daylights out of every Death Eater he finds (although I do not doubt that a like-minded fanfic writer is typing away furiously with this idea as I write). Thirdly, I realised that I had wasted an entire weekend reading the damn thing while I should've gone and did my homework. Alas, such is my self control that the smallest distraction sends me packing off in another direction.
Still, I'm quite happy that Harry Potter ended the way it did. Unlike many an anime/manga, say, Dragonball or Bleach, both of which seem to head off into the horizon with the number of episodes and story arcs still being introduced to the franchise, it broke it off at the right moment. Sure, I'd like to know what happens afterwards (and I will not accept "happily ever after" as an answer), but I'll leave that to the rabid fanfic writers. Now, if I can only find some time to go at the end of the week, I should be able to procure more fish...and maybe hook me up with some more of that Samurai Champloo...oh, yes. Then it'll all be sweet as.
Ciao.
[End Transmission]
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Reflections: Famiglia
I said I'd post something up about my family's visit, and here it is. Apologies all around for those who've been waiting for me to put something decent up (oh, how I love stroking my ego).
---------------------------------------------------------
How sweet. I must've been pretty high when that came around. Anyway, work to do, things to reflect. Next post...something completely different.
[End Transmission]
---------------------------------------------------------
It’s been almost a month now since the family came over for a visit, which this post is somewhat long-delayed. Well, better I wrote about it as a reflection rather than something half-hearted and asinine typed up in the wee hours of the morning. The inspiration happened to hit after today’s kendo session.
Simply put, I’ve been a part of, or rather made myself a part of, a whole collection of families. Just like anyone else, I suppose. There was always this strong desire for ‘family’, i.e. people I can love, trust, and grow up with. And at the top of that list is my very own family, which is my parents, my little (I use the term little very liberally here) brother and yours truly. Then there’s the big family, which is pretty much the families of my parents lumped into one unit. Moving on, there’s the extended family, which is the 50-odd (again, very liberal usage of 50-odd; I’m sure there’s at least that many cousins from my dad’s side alone). Not as close as the first two, but I still grew up in that setting and it gives me some attachment to the whole lot. Especially with the cousins, most of whom are growing up to be quite...attractive...ahem.
Then there’re the ‘external’ families. These are the ones I managed to acquire so far in life. Of these, three are deeply entrenched in my heart; my very own ‘family’, the film crew people, and my bandmates. My ‘family’ put me in as the eldest brother in a virtual family of 10, two males and eight females. I had a unit of my own as well, having two ‘sons’ and a ‘daughter’, juniors who suddenly started calling me ‘dad’ after a short while of knowing them. Funny how one can get so caught up in that kind of roleplaying, only to increasingly enjoy the interaction and finally accept the term as something real and tangible. As for with the siblings, we were a family in my head only, but my relationships to them were very much brother-like (me to them, that is). The old filmmaking club family is still very much alive, although the club has been long-defunct. Ours was a bond of suffering, joy, and long hours of random jokes (yes, that was all included in the package). To this day we still relive the ‘glory days’, and keep our support for each other strong. As for my bandmates...well, that’s pretty self-explanatory. We struggled together, made music that didn’t completely suck, and actually made a few public performances altogether. My relationship with my bandmates (the first two of my ten ‘sisters’, actually) was literally on the verge of turning into real family; true-blue, full-blooded kind of stuff where we’d stand by each other no matter what. And to some extent, that still holds true for us now, even with thousands of miles separating us from each other. In addition to those three, my fellow brothers- and sisters-in-arms as well as my seniors and sensei in the kendo club are becoming more and more of a family rather than just as individuals in a club.
So what’s the point of all that when I was just supposed to be talking about my family’s visit here? It’s just that I’ve always believed in the strength of family, and my own family takes centre stage. If you can’t find that by reading between the lines of this entry, then chances are I completely forgot to put it in. Come to think of it, I haven’t even put in anything about my family’s visit. Cripes.
Well, to be sure, here’s a short list of things that I learned during the family visit.
1. 1. As much as think I’ve successfully replicated my parents standards of hygiene, that belief was quite promptly shattered by the sudden inspection that came with the surprise arrival of the family. Lo and behold, the room which I deemed clean (I had just vacuumed the day before, and nothing was on the floor...apart from a few scattered binders and the week’s laundry) was promptly inspected and subsequently tidied up to the correct standards. Not that it lasted, really. Within a week the room returned to my interpretations of the standards, and I’m sure my parents understand (though they probably won’t let me off the matter so easily).
2. 2. My brother is no longer ‘little’. Not since I left, anyway. He’s now my height and a bit more. And he’s also managed to display emotions I thought were unnatural for him before (e.g. romantic involvement with women). Funny thing is, I never really understood him before. Now I understand him even less. It’s like meeting an old friend who you’ve known for so long after some time being separated. But that’s just my view. Ask my brother about what he thinks of me after being away for half a year, and he’d probably say I haven’t changed at all. Oh well.
3. 3. Parents = better food. For the first time in months, I had a steak (nearly choked on it, too). Not something that I had to cook for myself (and regret afterwards), but well-done, restaurant-regulation fare. Oh, Lord. If asked about my most memorable activity done with my parents, it would probably be stocking up on proper nutrients for the coming winter (competing for first place with hugs, though). I do believe that’s why I’m still standing (sitting?) in the midst of winter, laughing haughtily at the cold, cold wind and driving rain while other people are coughing like mad. Or maybe that’s because my heater finally works properly. Either way, it’s all good.
4. 4. The family in-jokes are still as funny as they used to be. My parents being who they are, jokes and laughter are always part of the conversation. Also, I hadn’t been able to crack any *cough*dirty*cough* jokes for about four months, so I was damn happy let loose the torrent of less-than-tasteful jokes I knew (or thought) my parents would enjoy. It’s these little things that really make being with the family so enjoyable.
5. 5. I miss the liberal hugging. I’m somewhat reluctant to give hugs to people I barely know; to me at least it’s as sacred and private as a kiss. I hold hugging in high regard; the people I hug and let hug are those who I believe I can trust and love with no regrets. Or those who need hugs desperately, but those are special cases. As much of a hugger I used to appear at home, over here it became apparent that I’m not as free in giving hugs to total strangers. Heck, the first non-familiar person to hug me over here made me hide in fear. I’m that paranoid of the consequences of surprise hugs. So I made the most of it when my parents came. Hug here, hug there, a hug an hour if possible. Call me crazy (or queer), but it’s one of the things I miss the most from home.
6. As much as I can make this place my home, my family will always hold a piece of my heart, and there is always a place for me to come home to (I hope). So here's a big, gooey, sentimental and love-filled shout-out from this end of the earth. You guys are the best.
[End Transmission]
Clocked: 10:30, Saturday, 21 July 2007
-----------------------------------------------How sweet. I must've been pretty high when that came around. Anyway, work to do, things to reflect. Next post...something completely different.
[End Transmission]
Sunday, June 10, 2007
Inner Peace
Well, here I am again, at the threshold of yet another essay due date. Worse still, it's taken up most of my time and left me with little to study the upcoming Earth Science exam. Oh well. My fault, as usual. Coulda, shoulda, woulda but to no avail. Scheisse.
But, as always, there's a silver lining in every cloud as there is some form of soy sauce in an Asian person's house.
Felt so fed up with the crap I was writing yesterday, so I decided to play hooky for a while and go for kendo. It was only supposed to be an hour. Then it became an hour and a half. Two hours passed. Two and a half. Three. Before I knew it, I practiced almost nonstop from 2 till 6. Yes. Talk about shitty time management, but there you have it. So I guess that four extra hours to work on tonight. But heck. It was the best 4 hours of my entire week. Nothing beat the feeling of training my arse off all night long in the company of 'family'. 400 suburi (that's swinging exercise) went by and I still had enough going for ten rounds of stamping cuts. Whooah. Nearly dropped afterwards, but it was so worth it. I felt so...happy. For the first 100 cuts it felt like I was really wasting my time (and my arms...that 500 gram shinai can make itself feel like 2 kg at times). But come 150, I felt nothing. Either my arms died, or I was going into a trance. With forty other voices yelling "MEN" at the same time from start to finish, it suddenly became quite relaxing. And then I noticed my cuts looking and feeling better. And blisters! I NOW HAVE BLISTERS! Damn. Took long enough, too. Everyone else already has theirs. Haha. Felt like I could've gone on forever (even if my arms and lungs couldn't take it anymore). Then we stamped the length of the gym ten times. THAT took the fight out of me.
But who cares. I enjoyed myself so much. For four hours, I could bloody well forget the fact that I hated doing a paper I felt was complete and utter crap. For that small space in time, I also probably did more exercise than I had the whole week. Pure and simple joy. Who knew.
After that, I tried to stay awake but my eyes were dropping like sacks of rice (speaking of which, I now have a 5kg bag of rice, courtesy of the kind Jose. Now what exactly I'm supposed to do with it, I'm not sure). Metaphorically, of course. So, in addition to exercising for the first time in a week, I also fell asleep before 12 am for the first time in...er...a month? And woke up before dawn as well, although that might be the strep throat making its presence known. Hoorah.
Speaking of which, I got to train with that cute senpai...she's so cute...and strong. Ohh, yeah. Looks like a butterfly, strikes like a .45 slug. Gosh, I do like it when she hits my shinai for do cuts. So...mmm...forceful.
Ahahahah.
Move along, folks. Nothing to see there. Other than a lecher.
Other news...
I don't feel like talking to the girls (my flatmates) these days. Not good. But...not too bad either. K's got Jose to keep her busy now *wink wink* (and sigh of relief from me). And M's already in go-home mode, so she's pretty much sussed (other than losing her laptop to the hands of some wank...but that's another story). So all is well in my little world. For now.
Come next week, and that's in, say, 4 hours, and I'll be ready with yet another rant on why university isn't all beer and skittles. But then again, most of you would probably have been there and done that, neh.
Oh well.
Good night.
[End Transmission]
But, as always, there's a silver lining in every cloud as there is some form of soy sauce in an Asian person's house.
Felt so fed up with the crap I was writing yesterday, so I decided to play hooky for a while and go for kendo. It was only supposed to be an hour. Then it became an hour and a half. Two hours passed. Two and a half. Three. Before I knew it, I practiced almost nonstop from 2 till 6. Yes. Talk about shitty time management, but there you have it. So I guess that four extra hours to work on tonight. But heck. It was the best 4 hours of my entire week. Nothing beat the feeling of training my arse off all night long in the company of 'family'. 400 suburi (that's swinging exercise) went by and I still had enough going for ten rounds of stamping cuts. Whooah. Nearly dropped afterwards, but it was so worth it. I felt so...happy. For the first 100 cuts it felt like I was really wasting my time (and my arms...that 500 gram shinai can make itself feel like 2 kg at times). But come 150, I felt nothing. Either my arms died, or I was going into a trance. With forty other voices yelling "MEN" at the same time from start to finish, it suddenly became quite relaxing. And then I noticed my cuts looking and feeling better. And blisters! I NOW HAVE BLISTERS! Damn. Took long enough, too. Everyone else already has theirs. Haha. Felt like I could've gone on forever (even if my arms and lungs couldn't take it anymore). Then we stamped the length of the gym ten times. THAT took the fight out of me.
But who cares. I enjoyed myself so much. For four hours, I could bloody well forget the fact that I hated doing a paper I felt was complete and utter crap. For that small space in time, I also probably did more exercise than I had the whole week. Pure and simple joy. Who knew.
After that, I tried to stay awake but my eyes were dropping like sacks of rice (speaking of which, I now have a 5kg bag of rice, courtesy of the kind Jose. Now what exactly I'm supposed to do with it, I'm not sure). Metaphorically, of course. So, in addition to exercising for the first time in a week, I also fell asleep before 12 am for the first time in...er...a month? And woke up before dawn as well, although that might be the strep throat making its presence known. Hoorah.
Speaking of which, I got to train with that cute senpai...she's so cute...and strong. Ohh, yeah. Looks like a butterfly, strikes like a .45 slug. Gosh, I do like it when she hits my shinai for do cuts. So...mmm...forceful.
Ahahahah.
Move along, folks. Nothing to see there. Other than a lecher.
Other news...
I don't feel like talking to the girls (my flatmates) these days. Not good. But...not too bad either. K's got Jose to keep her busy now *wink wink* (and sigh of relief from me). And M's already in go-home mode, so she's pretty much sussed (other than losing her laptop to the hands of some wank...but that's another story). So all is well in my little world. For now.
Come next week, and that's in, say, 4 hours, and I'll be ready with yet another rant on why university isn't all beer and skittles. But then again, most of you would probably have been there and done that, neh.
Oh well.
Good night.
[End Transmission]
Saturday, May 12, 2007
I Denounce My Poetic "Skills"
Lo!
How she hides herself
Behind curtains of green and white
Away from the light
Away from the sun
Like Persephone, floating out
A delicate white flower
Blossoming at night
Heart-shaped face
Tender-lipped
Eyes cast down and dimmed
Say, sweet flower
From whence hast thou came?
A smile, a chirp
But nothing more
Before
She passes into the night
And behind shut curtains
A fading scent
Of beauty
Ah, yes. I do realise that the content above makes pretty much lousy reading. And that I probably could've gotten some work done instead of writing such drivel. Alas, poor talent, I had it not. Hahaha.
On a much happier note, my Kiwi flatmate's elder sister came over to the flat earlier with her family. After teaching him how to make veggie soup, they left us with:
- a massive cooking pot
- about a week's worth of vegetable stew
- veggie stock
- cumin and cardamom
In my eyes, that's a pirate's horde sitting prettily on the pantry now. The Heavens smile upon the flat. Come to think of it, some pasta in the stew would be great. And I now have the means with which I may undertake the creation of chicken congee (a.k.a. bubur ayam)! The possibilities are endless. Especially after nearly an entire month (or was it half a month?) of eating tinned fish for dinner. Mwahahahah. Oooh. Gotta watch that mercury level. *shudder*
Also, I just realised that one of the cashiers at the Asian supermarket close to home is in one of my classes. Well, not just realised, actually. I knew it for about a month and didn't have the guts to speak. Damnation. So she spoke to me. I do hope she doesn't think I'm arrogant/forgetful/high for being in the store so many times and not engaging in any conversation. Wagh. Well, at least she recognised me as well. Huhuhu. So much for first impression, neh.
Tomorrow: Sweeping the floors, cooking lunch, and *fingers crossed* getting through my bogu grading! Hoo-hah!
[End Transmission]
How she hides herself
Behind curtains of green and white
Away from the light
Away from the sun
Like Persephone, floating out
A delicate white flower
Blossoming at night
Heart-shaped face
Tender-lipped
Eyes cast down and dimmed
Say, sweet flower
From whence hast thou came?
A smile, a chirp
But nothing more
Before
She passes into the night
And behind shut curtains
A fading scent
Of beauty
Ah, yes. I do realise that the content above makes pretty much lousy reading. And that I probably could've gotten some work done instead of writing such drivel. Alas, poor talent, I had it not. Hahaha.
On a much happier note, my Kiwi flatmate's elder sister came over to the flat earlier with her family. After teaching him how to make veggie soup, they left us with:
- a massive cooking pot
- about a week's worth of vegetable stew
- veggie stock
- cumin and cardamom
In my eyes, that's a pirate's horde sitting prettily on the pantry now. The Heavens smile upon the flat. Come to think of it, some pasta in the stew would be great. And I now have the means with which I may undertake the creation of chicken congee (a.k.a. bubur ayam)! The possibilities are endless. Especially after nearly an entire month (or was it half a month?) of eating tinned fish for dinner. Mwahahahah. Oooh. Gotta watch that mercury level. *shudder*
Also, I just realised that one of the cashiers at the Asian supermarket close to home is in one of my classes. Well, not just realised, actually. I knew it for about a month and didn't have the guts to speak. Damnation. So she spoke to me. I do hope she doesn't think I'm arrogant/forgetful/high for being in the store so many times and not engaging in any conversation. Wagh. Well, at least she recognised me as well. Huhuhu. So much for first impression, neh.
Tomorrow: Sweeping the floors, cooking lunch, and *fingers crossed* getting through my bogu grading! Hoo-hah!
[End Transmission]
Sunday, May 6, 2007
Another Sleepless Night
Well, here I am again. Back at the old table but the side of the mezz, doing an essay due the next day. And as per usual, there are the familiar faces also stuck behind glowing laptop screens.
After a talk with my Dad, I decided to do what he's been doing; meditating. Sit, close my eyes, breathe normally, relax, then count from 100 to 0 backwards. Achieving that, I am to relax completely and say what I want to accomplish. The idea being that now I'm relaxed and have all the random thoughts in my mind pushed out, I'll do my work. I gotta say, it's kinda working. Not in a "use-the-Force-Luke" kind of moment where it all becomes clear, but little by little. As you can see here, I probably messed up somewhere inbetween. That's why I'm wasting precious minutes writing a blog. Meh.
Thing is, I'm not that scared tonight. Unlike last Thursday, which was Hell on Earth personified in the guise of Lucy's essay. I'm not sure why, but this time I feel a bit more confident. Okay, maybe a bit overconfident, considering I've only started three hours ago.
But essay writing in uni sure is different from what I've been doing in highschool...which was two years ago. Well, I know I should've seen it coming miles away. This time around, I won't be able to bullshit my way through a paper with nary a reference. Oh, no. This time, I have to bullshit my way through the paper...APA style. Oooh, yeah. This'll take some getting used to, but I'm pretty sure I can. Heck yeah.
Oh, another kendo grading coming up soon. This is the one that'll tell me whether or not I'm worthy of wearing the l33t armor and hakama which seperates those with commitment and those without. The bad news: it's on Saturday. The Saturday before the Monday with two essays due. Kurappu. But if I play my cards right this time around, I should get through. Just get through, mind you. I'm not that confident that I'll think I can breeze through that.
Hmm...what else to say. I've got my sights set on someone else (my RA's too busy these days...drat). I'll have to say hi sooner or later. So here's looking for sooner.
Oh well. Essays don't write themselves, and I've got the rest of the night to reflect (and probably regret) why I didn't do it sooner. Hindsight always comes 20/20, eh.
p.s. I think Nda's on here as well...very nice.
[End Transmission]
After a talk with my Dad, I decided to do what he's been doing; meditating. Sit, close my eyes, breathe normally, relax, then count from 100 to 0 backwards. Achieving that, I am to relax completely and say what I want to accomplish. The idea being that now I'm relaxed and have all the random thoughts in my mind pushed out, I'll do my work. I gotta say, it's kinda working. Not in a "use-the-Force-Luke" kind of moment where it all becomes clear, but little by little. As you can see here, I probably messed up somewhere inbetween. That's why I'm wasting precious minutes writing a blog. Meh.
Thing is, I'm not that scared tonight. Unlike last Thursday, which was Hell on Earth personified in the guise of Lucy's essay. I'm not sure why, but this time I feel a bit more confident. Okay, maybe a bit overconfident, considering I've only started three hours ago.
But essay writing in uni sure is different from what I've been doing in highschool...which was two years ago. Well, I know I should've seen it coming miles away. This time around, I won't be able to bullshit my way through a paper with nary a reference. Oh, no. This time, I have to bullshit my way through the paper...APA style. Oooh, yeah. This'll take some getting used to, but I'm pretty sure I can. Heck yeah.
Oh, another kendo grading coming up soon. This is the one that'll tell me whether or not I'm worthy of wearing the l33t armor and hakama which seperates those with commitment and those without. The bad news: it's on Saturday. The Saturday before the Monday with two essays due. Kurappu. But if I play my cards right this time around, I should get through. Just get through, mind you. I'm not that confident that I'll think I can breeze through that.
Hmm...what else to say. I've got my sights set on someone else (my RA's too busy these days...drat). I'll have to say hi sooner or later. So here's looking for sooner.
Oh well. Essays don't write themselves, and I've got the rest of the night to reflect (and probably regret) why I didn't do it sooner. Hindsight always comes 20/20, eh.
p.s. I think Nda's on here as well...very nice.
[End Transmission]
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