Music

I recently borrowed a friend's unused iPod earphones (no, this isn't going to be a rant about how my iPod failed me, that'll be for next time). Not having used my Pod as it was supposed to be used for about six months now, as a portable audio playback device, I immediately jumped on the chance to walk out in a perfectly sunny and pleasant afternoon around the campus lakes. I put the thing on shuffle and headed out the door.

The first song to come up was Jacksonville, by Sufjan Stevens.

It was a somewhat surreal moment. One of those snippets in life where everything suddenly falls into place and you feel that all is good in the world, if only for that short stretch of time. The pre-sunset sunlight, the smell of the grass and the trees, the gentle breeze that played around the tips of my ears mixed into the flow and the feel of the song. The words may have been a little irrelevant (and a bit disconcerting at parts), but the voice they were sung in helped them join harmoniously with everything else. I ended up sitting under one of the bigger trees next to the large sports field and looking up at the sky.

Moments like these really etch themselves into personal history.

Though I've had his music for quite some time now (about 4-5 years now), it's only now that I picked up on it. He's still not one of my favorites, but being here has given new perspectives with which I can 'view' his music.

Still, I probably would have said the same about Tingstadt and Rumbel if they happened to pop up first. Haha.

[end transmission]

Realizations

I recently underwent the realization that I'm not 'home'.

Yeah, it took that long.

I woke up yesterday morning (or afternoon, if you'd like to be precise), dreading the 2 pm exam. The sun's shining outside, some light filtering through the gaps between my curtains. A little bit bleary eyed, I grope around for my handphone to switch off the only tune I can wake up to. Then I sit up, look around my Romanesque (i.e. Romanesque post-Vandals, Huns, and what-have-you-nots) room, take a sip from my water bottle and softly clear my throat. It had to be that morning that I realised it's almost exactly the same thing I've been doing for every morning in the last 8 months. The novelty of living in a new place seems to have worn off some time ago; I'm by no means jaded, but it's become so much a part of me now that I don't see it. Now that I've decided to return to 'home', where the family is, things do seem a little different. The skies, the smell of fresh grass, the fact that the majority of people I see here at any given time are Caucasian...things I've started to simply accept as part of it all.

To be honest, I miss very few things about 'home', excluding family and friends. I miss the food, the sounds of a bustling city, things not closing up at 5 in the afternoon, and being somewhere where the people are physically similar to myself. Well, maybe not the last part. Oh, and being somewhere that has less drunken teenage yobbos/blokes/idiots/etc. on the weekends. Other than that, I'd say it's better to be here. I don't miss the polluted _____ (insert object of choice), the highly visible poverty, the stupidity (especially of public transport drivers), and the sheer mass of humanity that lives within the city's boundaries. Yes, you'd be correct to say I'm sitting on my high horse for this one. But it's truth (or semi-truth). If I'm a rational person given the choice to live and work back 'home' or some exotic country (which may or may not be similar to 'home'), I'd go for the exotic country. Why? Just because there's that hesitance to return home.

But it's not that I don't ever want to go back home. Much as I dislike the notion, I do feel a sort of 'homesickness' for the familiar climes. And there's that whole looming-over-the-horizon thing about repaying the country for the opportunity I received (well, more like the opportunity my parents received, and me through that proxy). As much as I'd like to, I don't really have good reason to turn my back on the country which I grew up in and claim citizenship elsewhere. And since the ethnicities of which I am part of are within that country (not that it matters, I just want to ramble), I guess I can't really escape what I really am.

Meh.

That was a rather long and meaningless rant. Screw the ending, I'm going to bed.

[End Transmission]

Sakura

I said I'd put up something about cherry blossoms, so here's to fulfilling that promise. Well, kind of. Most of the blossoms are gone, and spring is going into full gear now. That aside, here's what I said I'd put up.






And to wrap it up, the official ending song to Byousoku 5 Centimeter.



Enjoy.

[end transmission]

Ni-Ju

Ah.

I have drifted through four more seasons, a new mark on my lengthly stay in this plane of existence.

I must say, it doesn't feel any more different than last year. I'm pretty much still the same person, still making stupid mistakes, still doing things wrong. But I do think I managed to do a few things right in the span of all this time, little bits and pieces of time and space that I knew were worth the effort I put into it.

I guess my previous age set me up quite nicely for this one. I've made so many more choices, mistakes, and personal triumphs than I ever had. It also marks the first time I'll be "celebrating" beyond the reach of my family. Almost. Not that it's a bad thing, but it's something I may have to get used to as I grow older and older as the earth completes more cycles around the sun.

Anyway, it's strange that I feel strangely calm about it; last year was a rather...angsty birthday. Struck with the realization that I was stuck in neutral gear and aging to boot, I kept lamenting the fact that my youth is nearing its end. But now...well, now my world seems to present so many more possibilities and opportunities. I can scarcely wait for my next year to end to gauge the extent of improvement in my kendo. Perhaps I'll be competing then, though probably getting pwned by everyone else for a start. It's also another year of university (hopefully), more challenges and fun, new people to meet and work with.

Yea.

It's all good. And I don't even need to celebrate it; it's a celebration in its own way.

Of course, all due thanks to God and parents, who have kept me alive, (somewhat) well, and prepared to face life on my own.

p.s. for those wondering why I haven't posted anything up lately, even with the promised videoclip from the last post, it's because things have been quite all over the place, what with Eid (whoops, should've posted that up too) and exams. Gomen.

[end transmission]